This is a section of a play that I'm studying, Top Girls.
Win: So why are you making a change?
Louise: Other people make changes.
Win: But why are you, now, after spending most of your life in one place?
Louise: There you are, I've lived for that company, I've given my life really you could say because I haven't had a great deal of social life...I've built a department...And I feel I'm stuck there. I've spent twenty years in middle management...Nobody notices me, I don't expect it, I don't attract attention by making mistakes, everybody takes it for granted that my work is perfect. They will notice me when I go.
I'm starting to feel that there's no use trying so hard. I don't get anywhere. I'm stuck here, like Louise. Except that I'm not even as far as having 'built a department', and that I don't make 'perfect' work. I do what I can and the best part is, sometimes it's just not enough. I've tried, and I've failed, and I've tried again, and I feel stuck. Stuck somewhere where I can't move up, only down. Like I'm continously running on a treadmill of exams, tests and work and I can't go anywhere. I'm not moving up.
I don't know whether it's just me, but I think, I THINK I had a mental breakdown last night. I don't even remember anything. I was perfectly normal, still talking normally and even laughing after having had a good day out yesterday. I was really happy back in the day but at night I don't know what happened. I looked at my work ( which isn't even as much as compared to my friends who haven't even started, some of them) and just started crying. I haven't actually done so over work in quite a long time, so I guess that shocked me as well. But I don't even know why. I think about those friends whom I'm going to competing against and just ask myself, why, why did I even choose this path? Why did I think I wanted to fight with people who were not my calibre ( because they were better than that?)
I feel like tossing a whole string of vulgarities here but that's not my thing. Whatever la. And honestly, why the hell am I whining?Who am I to get upset over this? Time to just shut up and live life, wherever it takes me.
Win: So why are you making a change?
Louise: Other people make changes.
Win: But why are you, now, after spending most of your life in one place?
Louise: There you are, I've lived for that company, I've given my life really you could say because I haven't had a great deal of social life...I've built a department...And I feel I'm stuck there. I've spent twenty years in middle management...Nobody notices me, I don't expect it, I don't attract attention by making mistakes, everybody takes it for granted that my work is perfect. They will notice me when I go.
I'm starting to feel that there's no use trying so hard. I don't get anywhere. I'm stuck here, like Louise. Except that I'm not even as far as having 'built a department', and that I don't make 'perfect' work. I do what I can and the best part is, sometimes it's just not enough. I've tried, and I've failed, and I've tried again, and I feel stuck. Stuck somewhere where I can't move up, only down. Like I'm continously running on a treadmill of exams, tests and work and I can't go anywhere. I'm not moving up.
I don't know whether it's just me, but I think, I THINK I had a mental breakdown last night. I don't even remember anything. I was perfectly normal, still talking normally and even laughing after having had a good day out yesterday. I was really happy back in the day but at night I don't know what happened. I looked at my work ( which isn't even as much as compared to my friends who haven't even started, some of them) and just started crying. I haven't actually done so over work in quite a long time, so I guess that shocked me as well. But I don't even know why. I think about those friends whom I'm going to competing against and just ask myself, why, why did I even choose this path? Why did I think I wanted to fight with people who were not my calibre ( because they were better than that?)
I feel like tossing a whole string of vulgarities here but that's not my thing. Whatever la. And honestly, why the hell am I whining?Who am I to get upset over this? Time to just shut up and live life, wherever it takes me.
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