I've never felt so lost or dejected in my life. Its not the worst, surprisingly. I've probably been through worse times. But to realise that you've lost touch with what you are supposed to be doing- Its a really frightening thought. Iam not slipping into depression, I know that. Iam just worried that i crack although I don't know why. My work load isnt THAT heavy. I think its my results. IDK la. Iam messed up.



I think I guessed right, for once. It seems like you cant keep in touch with someone whom you've met only once. Like they say, It takes 2 hands to clap. If the other hand isnt willing, no sound is produced. How often do we fall into this sort of situation? Its not about who's right and who's wrong here. I think we all admit that we all treat different friends differently and that also goes for their responses, and the way they treat you, as a person. Is it because of Personality, character, money, looks, or , a more sinister, ulterior motive? We dont know. Only time will tell.



Do we all rank our friends? Do we place certain friends above others? Is it possible to tell? Let me give you an eg. Say you receive 2 SMS messages. One is from your best friend, another is from someone you dont really like. Who do we tend to reply to 1st, or even reply at all?

When we befriend someone, we hope to remain in contact with that friend for as long as it takes for the other person to clap back. No one starts a friendship hoping it would end. But when it does, who do we blame? Ourselves, or your friend?
I've heard that they describe ex-friends as friends that are dead and gone. Are we also psychologically hurt? The emotional pain of a breakup in friendship? Through all these we can learn how to be stronger despite all our problems, we can learn h0w to set aside equal time for all our friends. And we can learn to shut out those problems in our minds and leave them where they belong- for the dead.

The family maid went home today. So sad D; Iam home alone now..

I know Iam afraid of something. But I dont quite know what. What is this nagging feeling all about? I want to work but something is holding my back, just like some sleigh dog with a rein. :(
Talk about fright. Iam losing out. I know it. And I will gain it back. Yes i will. I can. I must.

Hey, photo:)

OMG. I forgot its earth hour!!!

Are your cards good or bad?

Just yesterday, my uncle came and gave me a book. It was about how a family nearly fell apart when the husband became paralysed due to an accident involving the air force, and how a labrador retriever brought it all back again.

If we were to sit and think, wouldnt you consider yourself fortunate that we do not land up in that situation? How life is so short and, to a certain extent, frightening? Time passes to quickly I cant even catch my breath, to shout, "Stop! " and have the world stop right there with you. There's so many changes happening to us, much faster than we can absorb. Its like being spoon fed a certain amount of information whether or not we can cope. Isnt it strange how we meet certain people, certain things, good or bad, and be thankful, or curse ourselves at the luck? Some believe in fate, and that they should go with the flow. Life's funny. Its like being dealt a bad hand of cards. We cant change the unavoidable, we can only find the best way to play it. Like death. Sigh. Ok. This is really a very morbid subject. I shall drop it. Anyone I know, talk to me, call me, say something, PLEASE!!!

Sigh. Didnt manage to get online yest. So i'll go back in time and blog about yesterday.

Went for AEP. We were due to start on photography (:D )which Shermaine and I were both looking forward to. Unfortunately, our AEP teacher delayed it due to a time contrain. I think its still best we concentrate on one thing 1st, before trying to attempt another. As the CDL competition deadline was just around the corner, we made, or rather tried to make , our marquee, which is a miniature of the actual sculpture we were to do. Besides all the prep work and all:(

We started on the making of the marquee, and as most of us used wire mesh. While that worked out fine for those whose sculptures were flat, it didnt quite work out for me as mine was a solid sculpture. After trying for ages, I ( together with the help of Shermaine, Elizabeth, May Teng and Kimberly) I finally settled on foam. And that's when it started.

The foam was FULL ,chockful of dust. It was green, so it produced green dust finer than a grain of desert sand. I chocked. People around me chocked too. And my teacher commented that I have to clear up the classroom. But i didnt really. Haha. And our uniforms. Woohoo. It looked so green it could have been mistaken for the St. Margaret's uniform. So Shermaine and I came up with a plan.

We went in the toilet ( the handicapped one) which was big enough to accomodate the 2 of us. Then we took off our pinafore( Shermaine wasnt wearing shorts, mind you, but i was:D)
and SHOOK IT. AHAHAHA. So funny. We were laughing so hard Shermaine nearly laughed milk out of her nose. ( Which, I'd pay good money to see). She was practically standing there in her underwear and white blouse. No i didnt see her. But we saw each other enough already in camp :/ .

Decided it wasnt enough and that our uniform was still dusty. So we poured water over the front of our uniform till our pinafores were a shade darker than normal. It just rained so it was COLD. Then we went back into the air conditioned AEP room which made us feel COLDER. Then the teacher lowered the temperature. Which turned Shermaine and I into walking ice lollies. No dont try to eat us.
That's basically it. But well, it was really one of the more eventful AEP lessons.:D

Today I went to sch like a bag of nerves. We had dental check up for our class that day and it really was not joke. Iam DAMN DAMN scared of the dentist k, I confess. Michele and Shermaine heard enough of my moaning and groaning in class. So i shant moan about it here since its over and i thought i'd never live past this day. I concurred my fear of the dentist and her clinic!! haha so i lived to tell the tale. It was quite painful la. But bearable. Ouch. i can still feel the pain just talking about the experience. the numbness.. the cold water.. the freaking salt which the dentist freaking sprayed into my wound.. Ahhh...

Another uneventful day. Lets see...
Emath in the morning, the worse time, 1st period of the day. continued from where we stopped yesterday, Matrices. And this time its problem sums. How fun...

Then we had Physics. Some Mass and weight I think. Something about the moon and the earth. Shows how much I was paying attention. Super funny la our Phy teacher said, " You must put in a lot of effort to do this." Shermiane and I heard," YOu must put in a lot of F word to do this. " OMG OMG. Imagine. I'll be brought to detention for sure. And we were seated right in front of him. I wonder what others sitting further away heard.

PE. No PE! Our PE teacher was sick. So we had a free period-or so we thought until out chem teacher came in and taught us the use of the Burette and the Pipette. The Burette looked kinda wrong :/

SS. I spent the entire morning trying to chiong my SS hmk, although I never heard her giving us any hmk in the 1st place. She didnt collect it though.

RECESS!!!!

Lit. Its back to the Raisin in the Sun. How a raisin managed to get into the sun i have no idea.

EL. One word -BORING. We have pay of all those sketch books for newpaper articles and the Audacity of Hope. Which we dont understand and dont read. The only thing I want to pay for is attention. But that too, i dont really want.

Chinese. HAHA damn funny. We were going through our oral pieces when there was this question about zi sha. Idk how. AHAHAHA.

i've updated the post Just for laughs. Go and seee:D

Today's our 1st Practical Chemistry lesson. We were supposed to be burning Napthelene/Natalie whatever. Spent 1/2 an hour staring at a white powdery substance bubbling away inside a testube.We felt like we were bubbling ourselves. SO HOT. Our teacher said it was going to stink of mothballs, however that smells like. Like when I was younger I thought we were supposed to throw the mothballs at the moths to kill them. Now i know better :/
Eng, We were told to read Obama's Audacity of Hope, which we couldnt understand and thus found it bo-ring. We're to read pg 125 to something Iam sure. Well... I'll do my best. Though It'll go in one side and come out the other.
HHF today was super weird la. We were doing some weird actions which looked strangely like a cross between dancing and aerobics. Sigh..
Then Emaths, and we had a test. OMG OMG.
Geog, Tabitha pretended as it she lost out mindmap which we were to do, but she kept it all that while. LOL. So Lame. REALLY.

Damn dentist appointment. I don't wanna go! But i have to.
I agreed to be Shermaine's punching bag. She took it literally. :/
Iam out. of stuff to write.

A note to someone and more..

I've learnt a new lesson. Friends come and go. Iam still unsure as to whether friends will remain in contact when out of reach. When someone has attained something they've wanted very much, we should be happy for them. Yet we find ouselves in a postition where we look at ourselves and wonder, will i ever be like them? will I ever have a chance to obtain something I've wanted very much in my life? From a friend, I have learnt this lesson: Work for your dreams, and they will work for you.

Why do we remain as mediocre people? As the world around us revolves, we find ourselves outnumbered and may even get pushed out to fend for ourselves. We lose the safety of the crowd. This crowd Iam refering to are : friends.

Why are friends so important? Is it just this sense of belonging, or is it someone to talk to in times of need? How about friends who just pick you up and throw you away when you're not needed? When friends go away, its a natural reaction to feel sad. But when friends go away for a dream they've wanted, should we swallow out sadness and congratulate them, or should we openly show that you're upset? Its a troublesome dilemma. I should think the former is better.

To my friend who's leaving nex month: Take care and all the best. Its not often you get to go overseas for training to make the best use of it! I'll see you when you're back k.. I know this is quite early but since I just realised I'd better say fast. I know i sound like you're leaving forever but since i've been screaming all my problems to you i'll bottle it up for the next 2. Iam happy for you that you've found what you really like to do. So go for it:D wo men zhi chi ni:)

Just for laughs

Some humour:)
Not all are mine though.

Said ," Girls, You must put in a lot of effort to achieve this amount of accuracy."
Heard," Girls, You must put in a lot of F word to achieve this amount of accuracy."
Haha. Imagine if i really did that. I'll be brought into detention.

Said ," My brother is going to ACS Barker School."
Heard," My brother is going to buckle his shoe."

Said ," I broke my back."
Heard," Give me my Billabong bag."

Said ," We celebrated your birthday in 2003."
Heard," We celebrated your birthday in a cemetery :/"

Said ," This is your new coach."
Heard ," Please take off your clothes."

One of them is quite sick. Iam not going to write it here. But I'll give you what's said.

Said, "I thought you want to show me your Maple(story)?"
Heard," I thought you want to show me your _________?"
Haha. Go ahead. Guess what's its been heard as.

Just for laugher:)

......................................

Why do I feel that Iam being stretched to my maximum? Like the air around has intensified so much that I can breathe in the warm air and it appears that Iam not breathing in anything at all? I cant break into the 'signature' laugh that Michele once commented on me, its like i've lost my voice to speak and my only voice is to cry. But its weak. I know it is. Because the last thing you want to do is to keep in a cry. When you do, you get bloated. And when you get bloated, you want to cry. Its a vicious cycle. Am I just being paranoid? Am I really that afraid of losing someone? Maybe i am. Maybe Iam just paranoid.

Buddy walk

Went for some buddy walkl thing today, it was quite weird actually, because we were'tn actually assigned any down syndrom ppl who were due to take part in the walk. It turned out that it was supposed to be a three-to-one affair, but in reality very few DSA ppl turned up, so as a result, it was something like 2 classes to 1 DSA person. Basically, we walked around Singapore and got 6 hrs CIP. i dont quite mind doing this again. I need those CIP hours:D

After the walk, which ended at around 11.30am, Shermaine, Michele and I somehow managed to find Marina Square Shopping centre in which we had a mini debate over whether we should eat Subway or Yoshinoya.

We chose Yoshinoya over Subway in the end. I ended up buying Teriyaki Chicken rice, which was Shermaine's reccomendation. Not too bad really. Credit Shermaine.Michele bought ebi and teriyaki chicken combo. Sigh. This was more than I would have expected to spend on a meal but well.... its a once-in-a-blue-moon affair so might as well give a treat:D

Half way along, Shermaine decided to be funny and start taking stupid photos of both Michele and I. I think i must have got kinda mad, cos Shermaine was wriggling around and asking me not to use violence. Haha. And we were in a public area. City Hall MRT in fact. Its a good thing we werent clad in school attire. But actually we were, a little. School related shirt. Sigh.

I took a damn lame video of Mich and Sher while in Yoshinoya. But since its lame i shall not upload it. unless they annoy me. xD

Got onto the platform at City Hall MRT station, and there inside there is practically like a maze. It was enough to give us a headache. We went to 2 different platforms before finally arriving at the right one-right on time. While in the train, we got kinda bored, and starting taking photos.

Going for buddy walk with the down syndrom ppl tmr. Hope it doesnt rain :/

Piss me off

I dont really give a thought to what you think of me. Iam more resourceful than you think ok. I think having brought me up as a boy is already good enough, and yet you want to make things worse by making me run and all this other crap. Now you say that you so called ' want me to be stronger' and ' should learn how to fish, not i give you the fish.' huh. That's a freaking stupid reason. DAMMIT Iam not a freaking boy!! What the hell do you need to train me to be to tough for!! Like you're going to get a retribution when i grow up? NO WAY! Iam way better than you think I am but you never even freaking give me a little leeway!! Then because of that you say that EVERY DAMN THING has to be done to my own. Huh. Looks the girl here pls. You are, or me?

Maturity- a narrative compo

I was lying on my back gazing at the speckles of white clouds skidding across the velvet of blue sky. The sun burned down in hot rays which scorched the front of my neck. The grass below me itched and scratched with minute bugs as my head rested against the overlap of my two arms crossed over each other.Above, the canopy of green leaves parted such that occasionaly, a glint of sunlight passed through to penetrate me eyes.Beside me, my 2 friends sat and leaned against the trunk of the oak tree which was shielding me from the direct sunlight.

We worked as voluntary workers in an orphanage, Shermaine, Michele, and I, and we would get our due rest daily for a little over a quarter of an hour. As voluntary workers, it was queer that we had to adhere to the rules of the orphanage as much as the orphans do. It was simple, but strict. We were not allowed to eat during our 'working' hours, and we were forbidden to slacken at any other time other than the allocated rest hour.As for clothing, We were dressed in pale blue uniforms with a dark blue skirt, clothes of what children would wear. When the bell pealed, we had to hurry back to the tired old house in which the orphans retired.There, we would man the counter for potential parents and guardians on the look out for a child to adopt.

Just as i turned over on my side, and closed my eyes in the summertime bliss, we heard a distant but distinct chime of the bell. My eyes popped open and I took to my heels, just as Shermaine and Michele did. Racing across the corridor the warm air stung my eyes and made me squint, we danced through the gate and right outside the door to the house, I felt a sharp pain I had never experienced before. It ripped through my abdomen like a bullet. I gasped in white hot agony as the pain dug into my body, sucking up my every breath and making my eyes tear. I crumpled into a ball on the grey tiled floor, fighting for the strength to stand and the courage to maintain my dignity. As I gazed upwards, I saw the concerned faces of my friends filling up my entire frame of vision, moving in closer and closer to me as cold swear broke out in little beads on my face. As quickly as ii came, the pain ebbed away, and i stood up unsteadily, not trusting myself should the pain return.i looked at Shermaine- she seemed confused and shaken, Michele, however, was smiling secretly to herself. Guiding me towards the bathroom, she pushed me into a cubicle and handed me a new set of clothes. It was different, no longer the childish blue skirt that we've been wearing but instead that of what the women in the orphanage wore. When I turned around and saw the thick blood on my dress, however, i couldn not supress the scream.Then i realised. A caterpillar then, a butterfly now.

I dont want to run tonight!! But i know i have to.. sadly..:( Very sian. And am still still sian to write. So bb for now.

Today

Geesh. Looks like someone already told me to wake up. Anyway, I'll wirte something more positive for a change.

Went out at around 1pm with my parents. Went to Sembawang shopping Mall.. the one which recntly opened.

Couldnt find any carpark. So we detoured and went to a nearby coffee shop to eat.

Walked around. My dad bought an umbrella.

At around 2 we returned back to the shopping centre. This time the carpark was clear but we had to park at the rooftop lots.. because there werent any in the covered ones..

went to Giant. My dad saw another umbrella the same. But it was more ex. so we cliched a gd deal :D

Forgot to fill petrol and the car nearly stalled on the road. But we made it to the petrol station alright:)

Sigh. There's no one to talk to on MSN now that Sher and Michele are away at camp. i want to follow them! But i cant. Cos Iam not a guider.:(

Self talk 2 Dont bother reading..

I have to learn to be happier. Where has the old me gone to? The wind? i cant even remember the last time I was over the moon. Someone said I was overpressurizing myself. I think about that statement. How true is that? I know for a fact i think studies are my life. But yet others who dont think that way do better than me. And when i finally face it reality slaps me in the face, jolting me awake and making me realise that what i've been doing all this while doesnt count. Iam starting to slide behind my work and this frightens me the most. Iam still living in a dream like state. I want to wake up. I have to wake up. I dont have the courage to wake up and face reality. But i know its still there for me, rearing its ugly head when i least expect. Let me get up and face this monster! Take me out of this dream! I need someone to shake me hard and scream," wake up!!! " in my face! Its here and it wont run away. Iam still afraid. All this self talk is coming to a NIL. Its slipping away. But this time I wont let it. I must seize it and give it a freaking hard box.That's the only way I'll ever succeed.

Is it possible to remain friends with someone whom you've met only once? I would like to think so.

Another quiz.

The real you:

Here is the analysis:

You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys.

You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

TAKE NOTE: I DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

Quiz

Tried out this quiz. Its a personality quiz.

Get to know yourself better:

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love
you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

pic!

HAHA. this photo damn cutee! Shermaine's pet, Lollipop, and my pet, Frostfires hugging each other in pet society:D

Another compo. I know its boring.

Describe the feeling of loneliness and suspense.

When I returned to the place i had called home, I realised that the heat which came down in hard orange rays scorched the pavement in short sharp bursts of light. flowers wilted, trees sagged under the very glare of the intense heat, people burried themselves in the comfort of their own home, those who were unlucky enough to be out of their home melted against the stinging heat of the sidewalk. Faces squinted against the sun, the very insides of their bodies were bathed in persperation. I knew that place as an old city i grew up in, and also where a wonderful love story blossomed. However,time had stopped still. The village remained as just as i remembered it. The squart little attap houses sat glumly along the grass, which was piled with clothes of different colours. The only patch of grass which wasn't green or covered with pieces of fabric revealed a dry coloured yellowed grass.Here and there, the cloth fluttered feebly in the stillness and then revealed yet another portion of brown grass. The atmosphere was tense and stretched, as if the very air i was breathing in tightened like a rubber band in my lungs. The road curled in elegant curved movements, almost snake like. Somewhere down this asphalt road, which was spasely covered, a lone dog howled. The very action filled the air with a mournful sound which made my toes curl up inside my shoes. The thudding of my shoes against the pothhole filled dirt track had a dull permanace to it, even though the sound sounded stangely familiar to me back in the city, it sounded alien to me now. Above, the swirling vortex of clouds twisted in thick cream like movements. Somewhere ahead, i spotted a black body of a dog. As i came up closer to it, it revealed itself as a german shepherd, its yellow eyes bore into mine with hardness matching that of the sun's. Its thick glossy fur was matted with little knots. From between spurts of short panting breath, the dog bore its stained yellow teeth as it moved awkwardly around the rusty chain which drew its boundaries. It barked. Then our eyes connected. As I waited for the lunge, I squeezed my eyes shut in a last minute effort to divulge surrender. The time had come for a battle with nature.

boredom

Listening to chinese songs Shermaine sent to me. Not too bad really.. Quite nice:) Credit goes to Shermaine and her BBT for introducing me:D We had class photo taking yesterday..And the freakin, freaking report book... Seriously. Sigh. Must work harder. WORK HARDER!!!! DONT SLACK!!!!

quiz

What is your true fear?
My true fear: Losing someone

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Being Alone
Death
Looked down on
Where Your life is Going
Commitment
Disappointment
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_is_your_true_fear">What is your True Fear? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

inner self talk

I can't say I enjoy it when others know Iam about to go for an exam or a test, and then just before they tell me," You can do it. " Its not that i dont condone their encouragement. I just find the stress increasing because if i don't, I just get this naggin feeling that i've let them down. This makes it harder to think ahead and face my future obstacles. and it makes me wallow in self pity like a pig in mud. But i think if others say," I have all the faith in you, go in and give your best shot." is really more of a prefered statement. If i do a self reflection, i think that what hurts me most is not diong well although you've tried really , and i mean REALLY hard. Let me give you an example. Lit. Apart from being horribly unaware that my style of writing is totally off the mark, I also elaborate too little and the lack of understanding on the story makes the things a whole lot worse.

Writing out my feelings on my O level results in the previous post reanacts the entire scene, and it makes the situation so real i can literally see myself in that toilet, the paper, even the sensation of crying my eyes out. Iam really afraid of disappointing my parents, and if i do badly i'd rather they scold me then let me off.

The embarassement... the fear... the total disregard i have for my studies by blogging right now... the sense of loss... the feelings... the sensation... Surprising how a piece of paper can affect your whole life.. but its not the paper i guess.. its whats written on it..

Quiz

Got this quiz from Shermaine's blog. Was really bored. But the result is scary :/

Quiz: What is your true fear?


You are a fun-loving, energetic, and cheerful person.
You love adrenaline rushes, and going out at night.
You constantly have to be having a great time to feel completely happy.
Your biggest fear is not having anything to do, or having a huge disappointment/let down in your life.
You hate being sad, and if something in your life suddenly went wrong it would be extremely hard for you to deal with.
Just remember that everyone has to deal with hard times.
Stay strong, and pretty soon your fun, party life will get right back the way it used to be.(i wish!)

The crying process

You see the words go blurry before your eyes and the paper you are holding crumples up in the palm of your hand, just like your feelings and the last thing on your mind is what is going on around you. Outside, the pelting rain fell like tears onto the leaves of the trees below, dripping in never ending slumber.

You start to feel overwhelmed, and your insides feels like jelly that's just about to fall apart. You try to squint your eyes to prevent the ocean of tears backing up behind your eyes like dam about to overflow its banks. The lump in your throat grows and soon the heat rushes up behind your nose, and at this juncture you know that your nose is starting to appear a bright cherry red.

Running blindly out of the room, the surroundings melt into a myraid of colours which rushes out behind you, the wind whisting in your ears and the throbbing sensation of your heart in your fingertips.

Somewhere behind you, a shout of laughter is heard. Cries of ," I did it!! " make your insides squirm and once again the tears, already stinging the corners of your eyes, threaten to spill out in front of the entire world. For the 1st time, the 1st sign of a sniff envolopes into your throat, and you hurriedly gulp in the lump ,which now feel like a small hard rock, back into the bottomless pit of your stomach.Your hands, meanwhile, comes up as if on auto to your eyes, which forces whatever tears out. Your face turnes a bright red,, but then suddenly realises that your eyes are covered by your hands.

Bursting open the toilet door, you face the pale cream and pink toilet, scacely decorated by little minute flowers adorning the rough concrete faces of the wall. You look up, and the feeling of being alone hits you so hard in the face you can feel the slap. After a while, you realise your hands are sodden from the tears that have spilt out and over the edges of your eyes. overflow. The toilet is empty, and the sudden urge to conceal yourself inside a toilet and cubicle, where no one will ever see you cry, crops up. Facing the mirror, your eyes travel from the mirror image's eyes,which are stained red, to your own dejected self facing the little reflective glass.

For a moment, you wish that the face in the mirror isnt yours, and that you can be out there, just like the owner of the person who cried," I did it!" and screaming that phrase out yourself. Reality sets in.
There's no one in the toilet. The rain isnt heavy. But it matches your feelings and this time, you run into the toilet and lock yourself up. You stare at the pale pink door for a minute. Then the hot, melting tears pricked out behind your eyes and this time, it overflows. But there's no one to see you. So you just let it well up and fall, just like the rain. Sniff and all. The door bangs open and your 1st reaction is to stifle the next sob. But then you remember that you cant be seen, so it doesnt matter, the need to stifle is redundant. Turning over the the palm of your hand, you look at the once clean sheet of paper now morphed into a soaked, paper mush. The cause of your entire journey. There it was, printed in big bold letters, your name and Class. And on the top, it says O level results.Underneath, your eyes are only drawn to a small number, but the difference and impact it has on your life is astonishing. 25 points.

DAMN IT

YOU make me so pissed. Not as if i freakin interfear with what you do anyway. My stuff, my thoughts, my decisions. I can do whatever i want to do in here, YOu really think you can stop me? HUh. Its called mine for a REASON. Dont understand English? Then you can just back right out now. Take your freaking anger out on someone else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE ME SOME PRIVACY!!!!!! U HAVE NO RIGHT TO DIG INTO MY OWN STUFF AND THINK ITS YOURS. THINK YOU CAN RULE ME LIFE?! THINK AGAIN.

Series of unfortunate events

Series of unfortunate events( which happened today):



-SS teacher didnt come to sch today. So we had a relief teacher, who left class early. Too bad it wasnt the end of day.:(

- I went over to michele's table. Shermaine was there and so was natalie and Isabel.Joined them in convo.

-Michele wanted to sleep. So she put her head on the table. Shermaine then took out a pen from michele's pencil case and drew one gigantic line on her.

-Michele awoke in a hurry and tried to grab the pen from Shermaine. didnt succeed.

-Michele told me to grab Shermaine's hands for her. I told Michele i didnt want to betray my friend cos she didnt do anything to me.

-michele got mad. she said ," then you betray me la! hmph! "
-I told michele not to be silly and its just because shermaine didnt do anything to me.
- Michele stood up and She and Shermaine had a scuffle.
-All this while,i tried to break up their cat fight.
-Shermaine then rushed behind me and tried to hide. That's when i got pulled in. I was dragged around, feeling like a dead chicken.
-Michele grabbed me, trying to grab Shermaine. The result? Shermaine got free and Michele sat on me. We were both on the floor at that time. Iam glad no teacher was around.

-i got up and dusted myself free. Shermaine was too busy laughing at the commotion she caused.

-shermaine then started writing on the board. 1st she wrote, " julyn....." She never made it. Cos I erased it-QUICKLY.I was holding the duster then.

-Shermaine then promised she wouldnt write my name. She wrote," Shermaine loves BBT and julyn..." I erased it again.

-I got mad. Grabbed Shermaine by the arm and yanked it such that i was grabbing her wrist and we looked like we were entangled doing a rather complicated form of tango.

-SHERMAINE BIT ME!!!!!!!

-I screamed. Tried to get the duster, which, after all this hullabaloo, was miraculously still in my hand, into Shermaine's face.

-Didnt really succeed. Succeeded, though, in getting my white blouse to become a pale shade of blue from the duster.

-Somewhere far away, the bell rang. Sheramaine and I distangled ourselves and made peace :)
- Ru Hui wrote my name on the board cos she wanted to do sth but then Shermaine and I got into a 'fight'.

-Went for chinese class with my arm still stinging from shermaine's attack and the white blouse showing visible signs of an attack from a vicious bite.

haha

Shermaine super weird today. During recess we were eating some rice with tofu and a chicken wing( at least that was what i was eating) then Shermaine was having a really hard time biting through hers when it suddenly flew out of her mouth and clattered all over her plate. She was like," Hey did you see my chicken? It went up and down the plate..". So i told her, " alright Shermaine your chicken is still alive". Then Michele laughed so hard she choked on her chicken. And rice too for that matter. Cough cough. HAHA. shermaine wants to sleep. sO i better type fast :D

Will this come across successfully? I feel so lost in class i'll bet anything that Iam the lowest. Did I make a mistake appealing into the class I am in now? I would say I didnt. But the many setbacks I have faced really want to make me rethink over my desicions, the way I am spending time, whether or not I am wasting it( like i am now, wrting about nonsensical stuff).

I think above all my setbacks so far this year, what I thought was just about the worst was disappointing myself with my own results. I want to do well in things I know i should score, but its just about trying through squeeze my head through a sock. Not possible.