ithurts,doesntit?

Prelims and EOY mass for us.
Both are such time consuming activities, and both are important. Well at least for me, Jac and Lynette too. Its hard. We had no scores, I improvised the scores on the very spot and duh, I made slips because Iam not perfect, neither am i Richard Clayderman. So I cant regugitate scores like * snap* that. Please guys, be more reasonable. We'll work hard and you will too, okay?

It pains me to see you go away. But I have to learn to let go, give you up. Yes, I must not be selfish, and even though I'll hate the person who basks in your company, I've got to learn that 'its not okay to hate anybody'. But that'll be a exhausting task. No, be positive, grin, and bear with it, even if my heart is cut by a knife a mile long, even if my eyes are raw and red from the ocean of tears that have welled up behind the dams and gushed out akin to a river, even if my hands have shielded my heart and face for so long, its time to give you up, let you go, be your own and I'll be mine.
But it pains me so. I won't ever deny that. Won't even try.

Thursday:
SEMTREX emergency exercise. I got it that morning( if you were there, you'd know what Iam talking about), cramps real bad. It got worse when the exercise got boring and the song dedication came up. The constant vibration caused the entire floor to shake and rattle, and all that while I was digging my fingernails into my palm and preventing myself from screaming out loud( yep, that's how bad it was).

Returned back to class, it got worse. It was the end of day, and everyone was packing up to leave, save for Shermaine and Michele who kindly waited for me for a short while( or at least, what they thought to be a short while turned long). Cramps so bad i begged Clara for a panadol, in which i gulped down in a hurry. I glanced at the door, at the floor and promptly went down in a faint. Out of sorts as to what happened after.

This I heard from my friends:
I was in a praying position, grabbed someone, and muttered about not being able to see.
Mrs Low ran upstairs in an effort to find me, prodded me on my back, and said,
" Julyn."
No answer.
" Ju Lyn??"
No answer.
"JULYN!!!"
And I rose from the dead, like how a dead body would rise up out of a grave. Hah, the way Rina reinacted the event was awesome.
Not so awesome for me, visited the sick bay for the 1st time, and worried the hell outta everyone around me. Iam sooo sorry:( But I really can't help it none.

Don't leave me now, because I'll miss you.
I already do, without ever knowing that you'll not come back.
Never come back to see your beloved sister, how is that possible?
Do I not matter so much as a flicker of flame in your life?
I want the people whom I love to stay in my life forever.

I love you indefinitely <3 :-*

There are time I just want to cry. Like now. Don't stop me.

You think you can keep holding on to me, don't you? Forget it, because you CAN'T. I've got my own mind, and I can make my own decisions. So stop thinking you can reign me back with your words because I don't care, won't care, and couldn't care less because what you say is just your opinion. Don't think you can make decisions for me, because you'll fail. Fail badly.
And when I succeed, I'll look down upon you with pity, pity that you never understood me enough to know that I have a mind of my own and it is independant to what you think. Sorry if I hurt you by not talking to you, but its a sweet revenge compared to how I feel, and Iam happy, happy that you're upset.

姐这是你应该看的。

明天是华文O水准口试，我很怕D；有人可以给我勇气吗？
自从华文补习课完成了，我心中都觉得像有什么事不对证。
Something's not right. Its never right, never will be right. There's the empty feeling of having my Sunday morning free, not having anything to look forward to on Sunday morning except maybe chemistry tuition. There's this empty space where my heart once was, which can't ever be filled again.
And each time I think about it, Iam absolutely burdened by just the very thought of being unable to communicate my thoughts to the one who has been by my side, listened to my rants, and provided good advice.
Though she speaks chinese and I speak a mixture of both ( ah, how sad) , but mainly english, its a tough interaction. Yet somehow, we managed that.

I wonder what I'll do now that you've left me to stand on my own 2 feet. I know you're just a text message away. But its never the same. It will never be the same. And that, my buddies, makes me real sad.

I never knew that ache could be a physical pain, a real pain that exists as a knot tied deep in the pit of my stomach, resigning to tighten everytime I think about those days. Trust you, never say die, promise you!

To that, my sister, buddy, mentor and teacher, I salute you!

Iam 16! Finally! Now I can watch NC16 movies~~~ :D

Thanks, everyone who wished me a happy birthday:) Mostly on facebook, but to those who didnt wish me on facebook, Isabel, Shermaine, Michele, Yi Chuan,Zhang Lao Shi, my relatives and Cousin Sarah:D
I love you all too:D

Friday
Cross country run, ran and ran my lungs out and I came in 9th outta the whole sec4 and sec5 level!! Like, omg! I could'nt believe it cos perhaps, FINALLY, my hard work put into running as paid off! And iam not even from a sporting CCA~ Its the 1st and last medal I'll even clinch from IJ before I leave it.. :(

Went home, muscle ache, but that was expected:)


Sunday
Went for lunch with relatives at Jack's place, scrumptious affair:)
The steak was goooooood. Pity no photos, we were all too busy eating :(
Came home, cut cake. Then had to chiong for tuition.
Straight from tuition to my cousin's house for gathering.
Ate crabs for dinner, swallowed a small piece of crab shell in the process.
Tried to shove it down with rice, but swallowed too fast and nearly puked:(
My cousin was especially calm then, heh, that's what you get for being a medical student and being used to these sorta mundane issues.

Another cake there, and even the parrot and the dog had portions of the cake! :D
Thanks everyone, especially my beloved one and only cousin, for making this memorable! <3


Monday
Went out with Laoshi for lunch, as well as Yichuan at Pizza Hut<3
Ordered the Student set for both of us, and the special one for Laoshi:D
She let us pay! Finally!
Intended to go to laoshi's friend's house to celebrate her birthday( which so happened to fall on the same day as mine), then realised there was a switch in plans.
I intended my good buddy to go along, but I think laoshi's friend was a little uncomfortable about the idea, although laoshi was all for it.
Didnt go in the end, and was bitterly disappointed :(

Gonna walk to Fernvale now for dinner.

Cross country run tomorrow. Iam tired just thinking about it. 3km. Okay, maybe not so bad. But then again, it'll not be easy, considering that we're all competing against some of the fastest in the school. With that, I don't stand a chance.

Something's eating my form teacher up these days. I don't want to judge, but its very hard to refrain from doing so. After she scolded me for CIP related issues, I don't want to make any more contact with her than I have to- at least for that day.
But I realised its kinda wrong to judge someone on a one off occasion, is it not? It could be stress. She's been pretty nice to us as a whole, and everyone has his or her bad days. Iam of no exception.
Maybe her angsty-ness will fade off in the coming week or so. Sure hope that it does, but for now, I've got to be quick on my feet and even quicker in coming up with answers for Mockingbird and Raisin.

Its. No. Easy. Feat.