What should I say? What should I say regarding this matter? My Chinese O levels were... alright, I should say. It was a tad easier than I thought it to be, however, the last thing I'd really want to do is to sit on my laurels and be complacent.

Honestly man, I hate you sometimes, hate you so bad. Brain matter between my ears eh? Like you have any brain matter in there yourself. I bet its full of air and dead flies. At least I have some matter manz, unlike you. Hell, cut the pompousness, you make me shudder. Iam glad I know for a fact that you aren't anyone to me.

Yes, I know Iam not Catholic. Iam Christian, even as I don't have paper qualifications to prove it. It often made me wonder if papers really determine your faith in Christ. Iam not baptised, but it doesn't matter to me. Because sometimes, even if a person is baptised, that person may not believe in Christ. What I think matters most is whether or not you truly believe. Papers mean nothing to me. But residing in a Catholic environment has, to a certain extent, made me realise that everything cannot be done without God's help. Its the 1st time Iam hearing of Saint Jude, Mrs Low told us about him, who aids the lost, lonely and hopeless.

That, and I know. I've learnt to pray. To believe. Because can anything else help me now?

ohbaby,life isnt what you think it is.

And the sun rose, for the very last time, and I'll say, " Goodbye world, for being here for me. Sayonara, I love you."
And I was standing at a dizzying height, the ground looked far, far away. The trees and cars that lay flat below my feet resembled the tip of the little finger.
I took one last look at my surroundings, felt the warmth of the sun, felt the cool breeze caressing my face, climbed up upon the window sill and looked down. My feet left the edge of the sill and in a second I was freefalling, down, down, down, to meet the ground that rushed up to greet me...

I know, in those few seconds, that it would be easy to say I fell, that's what they would think. But I know, and only I know, that that never really was the truth.

Thanks Mel(: for the words,

Mentis

Opprimo

Materia

Fiestaa

I should listen to you. You want me to, don't you? I will.
But your remarks cut and hurt sometimes. I may not be as smart as others, but I do make an honest effort to be.
我真的是那么的愚蠢吗？我真不敢相信自己。
会考快到了，我好担心。如果成绩不理想，我该怎么办？
Last ever IJ fiesta for us was over yesterday. How sad. I mean honestly, the fact that its our last year ever is just depressing enough, the thought.
Speaking of which, the viking ship was pretty swell. And perhaps you might say that we are too old for the bouncy castle but I tried anyway, because I had to spend the money somehow.
The food was good- our class manned the Mushroom and cheese omelette stall and we did a good bit of crying our wares, " MUSHROOM AND CHEESE OMELETTE!!" as well as " ENGLISH BREAKFAST" and " BACON AND SAUSAGE SANDWICH!!"
Screamed our voices hoarse.

Shermaine Michele and I took the 1st shift, so we left spirit day 1/2 hour early. We were just preparing the food when the school was released. Okay, I wouldnt exaggerate but our sales were not all that whopping. Heh. I mean, perhaps a sandwich didnt whet their appetites but we tried okay! And the food was good. Thanks to all those who did come visit, and to Mrs Low our form teacher who said she wouldnt normally be consuming so many eggs in short period of time ( she was holding a bowl of laksa which ALSO had a egg in it)
Mrs Low: Is this our class?
Isabel and I: yep.
Me: BUYYYYY!!
Isabel :YA BUYYY!
Mrs Low: I'll support.
( Someone gave Isabel the plate, who proceeded to give it to Mrs Low)
Mrs Low: Dont need la, just put it inside the bowl ( of laksa)
Me: HUH?!
Isabel: What??!! Er Mrs Low, you sure?!!
Me: Are you sure....?
Mrs Low ( after a second's thought) : okay, forget it, just put it seperately okay!

Heh. Imagine. fried cheesy egg swimming in laksa. Hold on to your lunch everyone.

Viking ship with Zenia, Shermaine, Michele, Jac, Grace( but left shortly after cos she had duty), Ru hui, Rina, Wen Hui, Dhiviyaa, Lynette, and I. It was great, but heart sinking at the same time. The feeling was absolutely exhilarating.
Ate and Ate and ate. All sorts. Iam not going to list it here.
And it came during the Fiesta. Of all times yea. Thank goodness no pain during the viking and the castle.
Went home sweaty, sticky, happy.
But we wont get to play a part in it no longer.
That's the saddest part.
I really gotta study now. She will kill me if she knows Iam online.

D;

Iam so bitterly disappointed. 对不起，老师。我真的对自己很失望。但我知道你不对我失望，只是自己的要求太高。
WHY？！！
Please. 我不要再忍受这件事了。
再忍受总有一天会发疯的。帮我。
Help me. I don't want to endure this anymore, not any longer than I have to.
Perhaps I lack something. But what??

我知道我的水平不阿高，但我已经尽力了。
这些，你都知道吗？
我真不希望你对我的成绩而失望。
但是我的成绩还没拿回。
如果我的成绩不理想，你会怎样呢？会对我失望呢？还是心想打死我呢？
如果成绩真不理想，我不知道怎样对待你，因为你是能使我真心用力去读好这科目。

please believe me when I say...

Listen. You don't understand when I fall ill or when I faint.
Perhaps this entity has never been well understood, and its up to me to explain why.
Its enough to have the class look at you like a weird freak because I appear so sickly.
Well Iam not. I really am not. What happened to the days when you called me ' army girl' ?
Somehow, I miss those days. Because I want to be strong, to fight against the odds.
See some people think Iam faking this to get attention.
Whoever put such a retarded notion into their heads? I'd do anything ( perhaps, with the exception of injections) to get well again, to not be so 'sickly'.
But I cant help it, can I? Its not my fault, is it?
I know I sound like I've got a serious illness. But Iam thankful I dont. At least, Iam hoping I dont. I've yet to undergo tests.
But I will. And I am. Finally, yes? There's something other than low blood pressure causing me to faint. I hope its not serious. Because Iam not sickly. I am not.

Listen to me. Because I hardly ever get to talk to you.
If I faint and fall sick a million times, will you be there for me? Or will I have faded from your mind like morning dew?

The way it seems, parents rule your life. Your life is pathetic. What you do is all within the boundaries of your parents. Of course Iam not blaming them. Its normal for parents to worry, always.
But excessive worrying? Isnt it too much?

Saw this on fran's facebook, think its quite true, actually.
Kissing is a sin
$ex is a shame,
boys get all the fun, girls get all the blame.
One night of pleasure,
for nine months of pain.
three days in the hospital with a baby to name.
boys say they love you
boys say you're fine.
but when you say," Iam pregnant"
They say its not mine!

我爱你，爱着你，
I think something's wrong with me~

Neighbour is playing that song so loudly, I really feel like throwing open the window and yelling for her to turn it down.

哈哈，我发疯了！！！！

And the forgotten words..

Iam staring at this blog post with a hundred and one things to say, but I just cant put them in words. Why?

There's so many things I want to say, have to say. Yet these words freeze in my throat because it chooses the person it wants to spill it to. And this I have no control over.

Do you understand? Because you never seem to do, even if you appear to try bridge some sort of connection. Sometimes I wonder if its the age gap. Or perhaps something else.

In the silence of the night, our dreams we must thus fight.
Oh man.

Baby, if I say I miss you, I mean it.

hold me tight,for now

You'll understand the meaning of love when you just lost it.
You'll understand the meaning of faith when you just misplaced it.
You'll understand the meaning of religion when you believe in it.
You'll understand the meaning of hope when you gain it.

I'll never understand why, why I always play the 3rd party. Iam never the one to belong, to fit in, but instead I stick out like a sore thumb. Somehow, though I'll never say it, I wish we were an even number, because that'll mean that another person won't no longer have to be lonely.

Another thing. To strangers, I learn to give limited help.

And thank you, for being there for me, for letting me cry to you over the phone during those days when it was raw and no one actually cared. And for supplementing me with your own life examples. I feel for you. I know how you feel. I know that someday, you've gotta let me go, find my own footing, and let me walk the rest of my life on my own two feet.
But till that day comes, will you hold me tight and say that you'll be there for me?
Because I cant imagine, even withstand you saying, " no, I don't have the time for you because Iam too busy."
I don't have the time for you. Those lines cut, those lines hurt.
If you do say that, prepare for me to be upset-visibly upset. You just touched a nerve, don't expect there to be no tears, because I've been crying over you every night. Every night.

Because if you don't have the time for me, who does?

outing

Met shermaine and michele at Novena MRT, I had intention to buy a school bag because mine has a large hole, and it isnt big enough =/
Went for bag 1st, then bought it, went to Cotton on. Bought a white tank with Shermaine, parents nagged like mad about how I shouldnt be buying such revealing clothes, yea, like they know anything, honestly.
Lunch at this japanese restaurant serving italian food with a twist. Michele had eel and bacon? I cant remember :( speghetti, I took the all original bolognese and shermaine took the carbonara:)
<3 it:)
Camwhored and camwhored on the seats. Super embarassing, but well, we don't even know those people :D
Rather can continue my rattling, here's some photographic evidence.
PS: Iam tired of listening to run devil run playing over and over because my media player is screwed.


Camwhoring session! :D

During Lunch <3>

Shermaine with Carbonara Speghetti, Iam with Speghetti Bolongnese

I couldnt turn the picture around, so all viewers please turn your head. Sorry. I was totally annoyed with it already, besides, I couldnt delete the photo once posted.

From left: Me, Michele Shermaine. I have little idea of shermaine giving the dao face.

I Miss you. 我想你。

I miss you.
我很想你。
Will you come back?
你再也会回来吗？
Remember how we used to say
还记得我们所说的话
That we'll keep in touch,, always?
我们一定永远的联系，
It hasnt exactly faded.
它还没真正的消灭。
But we can't be as close as we used to be.
但我们之间的关系触礁。
I want to go back to those days again.
我很希望总有一天，能回到那时代。
But will I ever be able to?
但我再也能不能实现这愿望呢？

fiction

The room was just as it looked- dim, with an occasional light that pilfered in from the window. It settled, comfortably, on the couple that were perched at the end of the bed. But it was no couple. It was a lady, evidently older, and a young girl. The girl sat with her knees drawn, her head down.
The older lady stroked her back, gradually at first, then increasing in intensity as the frequency of the girl's sobs doubled, whispering words of comfort into her ear.

The girl turned- in the faint, yet diminishing light, the girl's face was clearly seen, a ghostly oval shape tinted with large brown eyes- and streaked with tears. Her hair hung down in locks, matted with the fluid from her eyes and she wore an expression of acute horror.

"Why me?" She asked. The question pierced the air, hung in the light like a fog over an enclosed room." Why me???"
The older lady knew this to be a rheoteorical question, yet she answered.
"It isnt your fault." She said, " He came as he wanted to, nothing would've stopped him. Time will heal. "

The young girl said nothing. Her mind churned with thoughts, of fear, of thoughts of men prying at her from behind closed doors. " I don't want to have to go through this," she said, an afterthought," I want there to be some end, I need this to relieve me, fast, quicker, even."
She felt the hand of the lady sitting beside her come into contact with her left arm. " Pray."
Just one little word. Pray. The girl looked up with her in wonderment.
Pray. And so they did. Her hands clasped in front of her, her fists, white from clenching the waded piece of tissue. Upon looking up, the girl let her eyes linger on the floor for a moment, examining its intricate cuts.

" Will you hug me?"
The girl's voice came in barely a whisper. Even as she spoke, her voice trembled and shivered- shivered, just like the girl herself, thought it was a hot summer's night with no breeze.

" Yes, I will", said the older lady. With her right arm she clasped the girl round her full width of her shoulders and turned her so they were face to face. "Listen to me," said the older lady, "I understand your situation." There was little that needed to be said. The older lady got up from the bed and made for the door.
Just as her hand rested upon the brass doorknob of the door, voice spoke.
"Thank you." The girl had spoken.
The older lady stood, hands on her hips and a little smile on her face.
"No problem,"She said. Her hand turned the doorknob, and in a second, she was gone.

The little girl sat on the bed, unmoving. Slowly, she picked up a nearby pillow and tossed it against the head of the bed. She stood up and stretched. It had been a hot night, hotter than usual. The moon was full. Water was dripping from the tap.
Her eyes melted, full chocolate gushed in torrents down her face. It combined with her nose, which had sunken in, and stood, absolute straight, as her body melted down towards the floor. Her mouth, open in a scream, anguished as her body gasped for air. She looked down, and watched as her body convulsed and collapsed. Her legs disappeared, as with her arms, and soon nothing more than a head sitting in pool of what was a body remained.
Her facial features melted, and upon closer inspectiong we realise that her mouth, open in a groan, cascades, joining the pool of melted body parts on the ground, until nothing but a small puddle of her remains.
And with an almighty roar, the puddle of deathly girl emerges,and floats through the air, in droplets.

amigo... i...i

A friend.
A term. A generic term.
What, and who do we consider a friend?
The guy at the bus stop at sits next to you.
The girl suntanning on the beach a few metres away, who looks up and gives you the slightest hint of a smile.
The neighbour whom you periodically meet.
What constitutes as a friend?
A confidant, a person you trust, a person whom you know you can confide in, to talk to, without qualms.
And its strange how sometimes, friends can take different forms. Like the teacher whom I never thought would become one of my closest confidants because we speak a different language.
Like the buddy whom I met at swimming class when I was just 6 years old because I backstroke-ed into her, whacking her on her face by accident, and so having the very 1st word spoken between as as, "sorry. "

And yet, friends betray. They betray. And that hurts, doesn't it? It still pains me to know why friends back stab, why friends betray, why friends break apart.
The hypocrisy of the world.

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ blow my speakers up,
Tonight, gonna fight,
Till we see the sunlight.
Tick Tock, on the clock,
But the party don't stop no~

Sudden love for this song. I don't know why.

AEP ( 美术) is sucking up so much time!!
Time is disappearing faster than an unplugged basin filled with water.
Help.

Its been a year.
And I request a gentle plea,
That I hope you'll keep:
Will you remember me?

Its been a year
Since I last saw you
Will I have faded
like the morning dew?

Will you still remember
The times that we shar
In the bitter freezing cold
On that boat, wintery air?

If I walk up to you now
and say a word hello
Will you still remember
those times, a year ago?

Maybe if has gone,
Maybe just faded away
But I'd like to think not.
Not ever so faraway.

Its been a year.

That feeling.
Of reject, of lost hopes, of lost dreams.
Yes, what other feeling can I be describing but the feeling of a flunk exam?
Dont cry over split milk, I know that phrase all too well.
Then again, the last time I flunk exam, my tears were evident to such an outcome.
And it mocked my plight. Yes it mocked me.
Upon reflection, I don't want to blame my falling ill at such a wrong! time entirely.
Could I say its due to stress, or perhaps another reason, another motive I know not of?

Bitterly disappointed for Emath.

I could have done better.

But instead I chose to screw it up.

I thought I was the only one when I started crying during the Emath paper.

Then I realised I was probably not the only one- the teacher later mentioned that we should just forget about whatever answers we have written down for that paper and just move on.

Seems like so many of us felt the frustration in being unable to complete a paper that was beyond our capabilities.

There goes my dream of being able to DSA.

Who am I kidding??!

Chemistry and Emath tomorrow.
I will live to see the end of the day.
Yes, I will.
Iam sorry, I dont practise what I preach.
I cantD;
( what does my heart say? )

What's worse than a sore throat?
A runny nose.
What's worse than a runny nose?
A cough.
What's worse than a cough?
A combination of all three.
What's worse than a combo of all three?
A fever.
What's worse than a fever?
A fever during your exam.
AND THAT'S WHAT IAM EXPERIENCING NOW.
LIT PAPER IS TOMORROWWWWWW!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Help me, Help me. 帮我。我快要死了，不，我不能死！这次的考试，我能不能坚持到底呢？！！ 我能吗？
跟我说呀！
我们原本是好朋友，但是为什么你放弃了我呢？我又犯了什么错误使你这样对我呢？
恨不得把所有的东西哭出来，希望心理方面能够好受些。
不能，我眼眶都哭干了。