Locked my blog. You wanna know why? Ask my personally pls:)

I dont know what I did to you, or said to you, but what's happening? The relationship that was so close during those days are fading like mist with sunrise. I keep trying to sew, and resew back that relationship that's appearing to strain at the seams. But you're not reciprocating. When I talk to you on MSN, you reply with 1 word answers. I tell myself that its because you're busy, but sometimes its hard to psychologically change that mindset that its because you're getting tired, you're too tired to keep up a friendship. Isnt that crying sad? I mean, a friendship, born through whatever means, is a friendship and it should be maintained at all costs. Why consider it a friendship then?
Its true that friendship has phases. And its the last phase thats always the one that hurts most, the one that impacts most, the one that creates a deep mark, a laceration, a cut, a wound in the heart. Why? I'd rather not see that last phase. But it happens, it always happens. And when it does, sometimes heartbreaks are inevitable.

I keep posting and posting and no one's reading.
Rule of thumb is,
IF YOU VISIT MY BLOG YOU TAG! I DONT CARE WHO!! JUST TAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

It'll be nice to see tags from people i dont see very often though, actually I hardly see anyone since its hols.
Iam rotting like a leaf litter at home. Who's free to go out? Bao, get well soon k, we can always go another time when ur feeling better. :)

Love.
What is love? Its like music, meant to be enjoyed. Can it be explained? Should it be explained?
We humans giveth ourselves to love, embrace ourselves in its silken fetters.When we ourselves are struck by that arrow We say that its 'love at first sight'. When we want to speak of the dating period we say ' love makes the world go round'. Indeed the love is a crazed madness, a drastic form of attraction, a pressure building up on the insides of a balloon. it erupts in a burst of fury then subsides. Like a bubble gum- its blown up, bursts, then relaxes, a gentle folding skin, only to become part of the gum again. But no, love is not something that's so easily rebounds itself upon the person that exudes that. It comes, and when it goes, it leaves nothing but a broken heart as a parting present.

Wrote another (yes i know, another!) poem, this time on time, and how quickly it disappears. Tried a different format this time round, comment and tell me if you think its okay yes?

Time.
A simple word.
A broken phrase.
That it stands alone.
Throughout our entire life phase.

Time.
Of tears.
Of extravagant schemes.
Of heartbreaks.
And broken dreams.

Time.
Irreversible.
Like a tide,
Once gone,
Nothing to hide.

Time.
And unknown entity.
An illusion, doesnt exist.
Once its over,
Just like mist.

Time.

(c) Copyrighted.

I moss you!

Dedicated to Jolin and her Big Bang/GD/SHINee, Shermaine and her Ah wei/SHINee/FT Island/Super Junior, Michele and her Hyun Joong, and anyone else who has an idol they love dearly :)

I've seen you from a distance
Away far down the lane,
But the courage I muster to talk to you
Is causing me much pain.

I know you've never noticed me
Or seen me close, at that.
But the bonds I feel that we both share
Is but a simple format.

The way you laugh and smile and sing
Just makes me wanna melt
Its through ur smile that I will feel
That rush of love I felt.

I've been to most of your concerts
And I've been to ur autograph sessions.
But all I want is to see your face,
A true and honest confession.

I hope you'll say you love me
For that'll really make my day,
Please come into my life and say,
I'll still love you anyway.


Hope you all like it:)



Copyrighted.

Dont you ever wonder why we are here? Doesnt it intrigue you to realise that the people we meet are by chance? Imagine if another girl had been asked to join DHHM. I wouldnt have met Hui Loon, Jolin, and all the other people I now have met because fate wanted us to meet. Its strange sometimes.

Mum cooked some weird-ish herbal soup for dinner today. It was horrible okay. Hated it to max. It tasted like a cross between melted iron and bitter ginseng( okay yes there was ginseng in it).I wasnt complaining out loud but I was having a really bitter time trying to swallow it. I think it must have shown on my face or sth cos my Mum told me that the soup was meant to be 'healthy'. Then my dad started giving me this lecture about how good the soup was.
Dad: I can tell you a secret, you wanna know?
Me: ... Ya..
Dad: Do you know that you were conceived after your mum took the herbal soup?
Me: Oh... ( a beat) really?
Dad: Yes. See. So what does that tell you?
Me: Something gives me a feeling that iam not trying to conceive now.
Dad: Not saying thay you should conceive now. Iam saying that it has erm... childbirth propeties.
Me: (uncomfortable silence)

Those who know me, you know that I had siblings. And you also know what happened to them so there's no need for me to explain here and let the whole world know.

I aint nothing much to say. But. I STILL MISS MY BUDDY. I know its already been more than a week but Iam just like that I guess. I cant help it. Especially if the people there are nice I'll always end up with a emotional attachment to them somehow. Lets vote for job attachment one more time! :D ( i know I cant:'( ) What's worse is that you cant get to see them, you only get to for that week and that's it. Its horribly sad.

This is super funny. 1st saw it when Qarissa linked it on facebook :D Enjoy:)

PS: I still miss you. I still miss you all, even if I dont say it.

Okay. I've got to tell you this. Sometime weird happened this morning.
It was roughly 9.30, and I was in my room reading Diary of Anne Frank. My mum walked into the master bedroom, just across the landing, to find out that the room hadn't been mopped. So she turned to the domestic helper, who was cleaning out the windows, why the room hadn't been mopped although it should have under normal circumstances. Here was their convo.(yes I overheard it)
Mum: Siti( that's the domestic helper's name), you never mop the room?
Siti: Yes, ma'am, I havent mop yet.
Mum: Okay, pls get it mopped soon. (prepares to walk out)
Siti: I cannot.
Mum: Why?
Siti: Mop Missing!
Mum: (stares at Siti) what?
Siti: The mop missing!
Mum: BOTH(we had 2 mops) missing?!
Siti: Ya.
Mum: Where did you put it?
Siti: I dunno ma'am, I search here search there cannot find, not downstairs not upstairs.
Mum: Cannot be. House got Hantu( ghost in malay) ah?
Siti: ...... No.
Mum: I dun believe.

The convo cont.. but I cant quite remember portions of it as yet. But anyway, the 2 mops went mysteriously missing( and we cant fingure out why) , but the hunch is that she's using it as an excuse to get hold of more valuable items. The last time I lost my E dic. And sometime before someone hopped over the fence on the ground floor in the middle of the night and stole my shirt and my mum's blouse with a broch on. That at least I can make sense of. But i mean, a mop! Why would anyone in their right mind steal a mop? Aish.

I stand on the front porch. In the twilight, the scene faded. In my mind was memories, such wonderful, childhood memories. Summer, and in Genting Highlands, a little girl danced across the lawn in a pink frock, surrounded by bougainvillea bushes. A couple walks by, and they smile at the sight.
It was winter, and in Beijing, a little girl climbs the Great Wall of China, flanked by her parents on either sides. The steps were high and concrete, and the little girl climbs over them, with difficulty. Winter, and the little girl scampered down the aisles of a shopping centre, mesmerised by the sights and sounds.
It was still winter, and in Finland, the girl, now older, puts on her skiing gear and makes for the slopes. The scenery is blinding white, and her parents puff and pant, in a vain effort to catch the girl as she slips and falls from the slope. The girl looks up, and cries, as through the thick winter wear the snow is stained with the blood from a cut on her knee.
Fall, and in Melbourne, the girl donns a pale pink jacket and attempts to milk a cow. A man stands nearby, watching to make sure the cow did nothing to his girl. The warm milk is in contrast to the chilly weather. It was still fall, and the girl hikes up the hills to an old friend's home. Fall, and the girl learnt that that friend has passed on. Fall, and the girl's tears wetted the pillowcase, as memories of the lost life was too much to bear, as her shoulders shook with renewed sobs.
It was fall the following year, and the man watched his little girl's heart break. Fall, and they crossed the boudaries of culture, where the girl was dressed up in a pink kimono, wondering, watching, apprehensive.
Summer, and the girl, now a teen, realises the first overthrows of love. Summer, and the girl arises, then realises that the blood on the clothes is no longer that of a cut. Summer, and she realises that the gates to her red sea had been opened. The girl, in shock, scurries out of the door.

The saying was ever so true. You could never know how a person was until you climbed into his skin and walked around in it. Just being able to stand there was enough. You could see the way through ways you have never done so before. And it was all through a friend. Yes, friends give. But friends also return. I never repaid the kindness some people did to me, and that makes me sad.
As I drifted in my own thoughts, I realised that my vision was blurred. It was raining, but I never knew if it was due to the rain, or simply my tears.

Cut fringe, cut hair on Thursday. Yea, it sure took me about 3 days to realise the severity of the damage I just caused, and what this means to my already battered up dignity. And hopefully by this time you'll realise I just made a fool out of myself, hence no further elaboration is required:)

(maple news) I wasted alot, ALOT of mesos on MP Pots cos I tried to be overly extravagant and fight bubbling. Not just one, but a whole crowd of them at Kerning Train station. Since I play in a window, I minimised the window while leaving my character precariously perched on top of one of the platforms, where (or so I thought) no bubblings would spawn. Next thing I knew my character had become a ghost and floated gently above a tombstone. Somehow found my way to Sleepywood, then realised I fell amongst a crowd of Curse Eyes. To cut a long story short, my character died again.

This strange, strange pain at the lower right abdomen has been causing me a few sleepless nights by now. Iam praying that its not appendicitis, but its on the left? No right? No... I have to ask my cousin..
Dinner now.

YAY:D I love Hui Loon and Jolin for keeping my blog alive! :D

The red stripes wrapped around the white carriages are impossibly hard to ignore. The platform is glistens with rainwater intertwined with the muddy shoes of the commuters. Above, the sun rays filter feebly through the clouds, only to get caught in the puddles of water on the floor, forming the rainbows that reflect itself upon the concrete ceiling. The swarm of commuters thickens, wetting the floor even further.
I stand apart from them, alone, surrounded with debris and people of aggressive mankind. The world, the people around me revolves, whizzed away and enshrouded by their own objectives. It is uncommon to see such a sight, a lone person, away, apart from others, in a face of loneliness and despair. Yet Iam not alone with my thoughts. I am waiting, and watching, for someone.

Its all familiar to me now, the words of " Going to Johor Bahru? Transfer to the free SMRT link bus service......" at Woodlands Regional Interchange. Yes, its only been 5 days. But that sense of nostalgia, of deja vu vis-a-vis the chill of the rain as it streaks down is all too familiar. That sense of longing, of belonging, has deepened to match the clouds.
Yes, I know. Reluctantly so. That I will not see that place again, that place where I met you.

Just completed my 500 word reflection on my job attachment. And this really brings back a flood of memories- and tears, okay, not really okay. But yea, I'll remember those times we spent together forever, cliche as it sounds.
It'll be a wash of colour amidst other sepia coloured recollections..........:)
PS: I still need my my buddy Hui Loon to help me complete the portion of assessment, I do sometimes wonder how to go about such a thing.

Look.I know what I did was wrong okay?What I did wrong wasnt even a life or death matter. But please, cant you just leave me along to cry in peace?

~ I just wish I had a shoulder to cry on.~

You know, seeing your facebook makes me sad. Because i've known you for so long, yet there's that little communication between the 2 of us. So you really think you're popular? There are others who think you're not. And everyime I try to talk to you, you turn away. And its amazing that iam considered your 'friend' on facebook.
Sometimes, I just get that feeling of sadness, of nostalgia. Yes I miss those times. I miss them, I miss you.

Things I need to complete:
- Omgosh, do CIP hours! Shermaine, when are you going to do? My job's over:( tell me when ur done k.
- List down the consequences of taking A math.
-Pack thy room.
- Finish all my AEP sketches( 46 of them) D;

MY TAIWAN TRIP THIS HOLS ON THE 27TH OF NOV JUST GOT CANCELLED D; This is the 2nd consecutive time this has happened, inclusive of last year where our Taiwan trip got botched up again-for the VERY same reason as it was this year. Seems like we're just not fated to get to Taiwan lol.
Backup was Harbin, I've never been there and apparently the weather is like, what?! -20 to -30 degrees. Iam gonna become a snowman.

I've been with you since I was 6 years old. Back then, you were already of some terror. Now, 9 years later, you're still terror, delete that, you're just hell to me. Like honestly, I've been just putting up with you ever since ur snobbish and cocky behaviour gets on the very last nerve I have left. For some miraculous reasoning even I find hard fathom, I've stuck with you, loyal, through through all your undefined and unprecedented tantrums. Sometimes, I wonder why and how I did so. Faithfully so. So that's why, Iam just waiting till I take my exam in Sep. Then you'll be a thing of the past.

Okay, another poem.

I cant get over it, not at all , cos I STILL MISS MY BUDDY and ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE I MET IN RP, as well as RP ITSELF. Haha, I've gotten over my embarassement so to all of you, SAYONARA AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU! :D



* I think iam high on too much sugar*



Speaking of which, I have another poem for you all,yes I know all my poems are about love or something to that extent, but without that the poems will never have an impact okay...



I want to say so many things,
The things we take for granted.
But many a time the hope that remained
Was ever, always transplanted.



Those dreams I thought were just so true
Were broken just like that,
Without any grace, without a trace
The hope we once both shared.



I know you said you love me,
But that is just a dream.
For I know that your heart has always been
A little more extreme.


I hope to see you again some day
I hope it wont be long
Cos the pain I feel when I miss you
Will forever be as strong :)



Btw, Iam not some poem nut. I just like writing- sometimes these poems dont make no sense to me neither. But it may to soemone out there :)

Gosh. My internet connection is screwed up. Keep disconnecting every minute-Iam serious. Like now. Hang on.

Back. I gotta thank Hui Loon, Jolin, Andre, Shermaine, Bao Yi, Michele and all those who've been keeping my blog alive. No bad huh. Least my blog got followers now :D

Now that job attachment's over, yes, I still miss my buddy!!! D': Kept crying last night cos all of a sudden I was hit by this desire to see my buddy Hui loon and her friend Jolin again. IDK why. I just gotta control myself better. Something better not be wrong with me.

I have to get down to doing my work. Sure I completed a lot during the attachment itself, but there's still THAT much to learn, to revise. And hell, my CIP hours arent even enough also, determined to do some this hols >:)

AEP is some crap also now. The teacher gave us so much do one my sketchbook cant even fit everything in. I had to screw up the order (she wont be happy about that) of the drawings, and its STILL NOT ENOUGH. WTH. Pissed away...
I have to run tonight. Iam SO HAPPY! (not) Been screaming everything I need into my pillow. Why is it only my pillow that sees my silent tears? I dunno how many buckets of tears I have to invest before I stop worrying about stuff, my O's esp next year.

Omgg. I stopped short. Crap. CRAP. CRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP I THINK MY DAD DELETED MY GAME!!!!!!! OH FREAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

I miss you.

Dedicated to Hui Loon and Jolin, who buddi-ed me throughout those 5 days:)

We started off as strangers,
Unknown to me and you
but the smile you gave when 1st saw me
is warm and always true.

Through all those days of buddying
We see each other's character.
I promise I will never forget.
The days filled with our laughter.

I wonder if its fate that made
the two of us as friends.
That made two people awesome buddies
Not just a game of pretend.

I hope you know all we've been through
is what I'll never regret
Because the bonds that we both share
is what I'll never forget.

I hope you'll always remember me :)
Not ever far apart.
Beacuse I hope that I have left
Some footprints in your heart :)

I'm glad you helped me just so much,

For that Iam ever grateful

For if you didnt Iam sure my life

Would be ever so much more painful.:)

Hui loon and I:)
btw, that hand is mine.
















Me, Jolin, Hui Loon:) All my jie jie's.






























(left to right) Me, Jolin, Hui loon:) Somehow we bear some uncanny resemblance:)







































~ Yes, I still miss you, even if you don't think of me anymore.

I Miss My Buddy.
Suddenly, everything's died down. The excitement, the wonder, the splendor of a job attachment is gone. I cant believe its all over so quickly. Seems like monday was just yesterday, and that the end was long, long time away. Yes, time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana. But I dont want it to end so quickly. Well, all good things must come to an end, cliche as it sounds.

Today marks the end of my job attachment and the last time iam gonna see my buddy D; *sob* Spend the 1st hour in the spa room, then one of the facillitators pulled us(beverly natasha and I) in for a talk. Dispersed soon after, and found our classes in the E54 block (yay I rmbed the name! ):D . Sat with the class till about, erm, 11.30, then had lunch. Before that, we took a class photo shot which my buddy has yet to upload on fb.

Fish and Chips with my buddy and her friend, Jolin, for lunch. Went back up to the room, where for some reason or another, this guy started playing Hotel 626. There was this.. stage? where 'he' entered a room and saw a baby in a cradle. According to the game, 'he' was supposed to sing to the baby to avoid it waking up. As thought, the baby DID wake up. I was just glad all of us were squashed into one big heap. Yes, we screamed. Then I covered my eyes and slumped again the wall.
Spent the rest of the day sitting in class and tried my utmost to comprehend what the facillitator was on about. Had to leave at 2.45 for a reception:( Sad right. Gave my buddy a hug before I left. Aish. Wanna cry but i couldnt go for the reception with red eyes. Is it an IJ tradition? Idk.

JOb.

Job attachment. Its kinda fun I guess. Yea I know many people dont think that way but I admire, respect and look up to my buddy(ies) who have treated me so well these, 2 days. Without them my job would be HELL, boring. Having them to talk to makes things much more lively, as well as someone to talk to and hang out during lunch break cos for some obscure reason all my friends have disappeared.

I learnt to put behind my painful past and instead look towards a brighter future. Yes, those painful memories, its not their fault that they brought up the subject of my being bullied like shitz in sec 1. I know they're trying to care, to tell me that I shouldnt bother about all these people, but how? Its not so easy.

Had job attachment today. Okay will elaborate more on it when I have time okay. Very tired now so I shall only blog about my dentist appointment.

Went dentist with Bao Yi today!:D Was late for my 7 o clock appointment cos there was a massive traffic jam. REached there, met Bao yi, went inside the clinic. waited for a long long long time. Bao yI went in earlier than me and came out even before I went in. So when I was called, Baoyi and I went in together.

DL ( Dr Loh) : Hi Julyn :) (looks at Bao) You ah, keeping biting your bridge out, dun wanna talk to you.
DL: You know Grace put braces right?
Me: YA OMG SHE LOOKS SO CUTE!!
DL: Ya she put fast braces.
Me: (lies down)
(bao Yi stands in a corner)
Me: DR Loh can u check to see if anything went wrong with my braces this time, my parrot attacked me.
DL: Your what?! Parrot or Parents?
ME: Parrot.
DL: You have a parrot?
ME: Yea.
DL: OHhh aiyo what were you trying to do to it?
ME: I was trying to kiss it
DL: (chokes)
Me: YEa, I know....
DL: You not scared of bird flu ah?
Me: Haha no la..
DL: Birds got no vaccine you know?
Me: yea yea hahah
(gasps as she forces rubber band, this time a conjoining one, onto bracket)
DL: Aiyo pain ahh..
ME : (gasp gasp)
DL : Aiyo..
Me: Thinks (this hurts me to death man)
DL: Bite, julyn.
ME:(bites)
DL: WOA! So straight already!
Me: mmmmmmmmmmmmpppppfffffffffffffffffff
DL: Which was the crooked tooth last time?
Me: (points to 2 teeth beside 2 front teeth)
DL: HUH? I dont remember leh! (to helper) I think Iam having memory loss.
ME: HAHA.
DL: Is this julyn? (to helper)
DL: Is this julyn or not?! (to baoyi)
BAoyi: (Nodds)
(chair is lifted upwards)
Me: (sits up and wipes eyes)
DL: (turns around in shock, momentarily stunned)
DL: You okay right? (pats shoulder) its just 4 weeks la dont miss me!
Me: ... (takes bag)
DL: Really okay?
Me: (nodds)
DL: Okay then, (flying kiss and salute) Zai Jian!
Me: Bye and thank you!

HAHA. Job attachment later okay. I wanna sleeppp. TMr got more work to do.Bye..