Why do I feel so alone in this crowd of laughing happy people? I get asked that a lot. Or rather, by Chu. But the reasons are pretty simple, I think. I don't feel safe here. I feel like they are going to eat me up like a pack of wolves. I don't feel needed, I feel outcast, and I feel plain odd. 

I can't wait for Chu to go overseas though. Maybe that'll be my best time to shine. I don't know. Something about how he and my pastor was discussing that I need to be able to live without Chu annoys me. Or rather, annoys my pride. What do you mean by that statement- you think I can't stand by myself in church? Really? I think you're mistaken. I have intuition that perhaps you don't have, and as a result I'm not as dense as *others* when it comes to figuring out a group of dangerous people. These people are dangerous, to me. Fish don't see the water they swim in, apparently. 

I hate how you're so well-liked in there. And I can't while you constantly overshadow me. I need my own identity, and while you shroud me I will never get a chance to shine among these people whom, despite being dangerous, I can probably fit in. I'm chameleon by nature so why is this failing me now? Maybe it's my innate fear that you will always be better than me, socially. I can't stand that idea. I absolutely cannot stand it.