THE CONNECTION SPEED FOR THIS COMPUTER SUCKS!!! I"VE WAITED FOR NEARLY 3minutes for my facebook page to load and its still not loaded! ARGHHHHH

Exploded.

My desktop exploded. And now Iam stuck with a laptop which is really, absoulutely slow. Iam serious. The conection speed is like, whoa. I have to download MSN now. Sigh.

Exhausted. AEP= to hell right now. Really glad that our boxes are to be done by next week and its going to be our LAST LESSON!!! :D :D

Guess what? I've overcome my fear of the dentist. Okay, maybe not fully, but its better than last time, when my fear of the dentist was so great I had to go to the toilet everytime I heard the word dentist. And Iam going to the dentist VOLUNTARILY tomorrow with Shermaine! :D Only thing is, she better not break my archwires, cos if I do, I'll have to bear with my metal wire prodding the inside of my mouth for 1 week. And it aint nice. Shermaine's tooth is hurting her badly. So I told her to suck ice, which, happened to be just my remedy when I 1st put braces and had my mouth aching so badly I had a headache. It worked! :D

Screw Facebook and Blogger. Cant upload any pictures now so Iam going to do so when its finall up and going. Cya:)

So tired. So so so tired. AEP is taking a toll on me. Talk about mood swings, pls tell me how to control it someone. I've been described as a volcano liable to erupt anytime.

shermaine

It's the Bright One, it's the Right One, that's Ju Lyn.

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HAHA. Oh ya. We were in school today and it was roughly 10 mins to the end of recess. Shermaine was going all high over this guy she's NEVER met and totally fell in love with him because of his looks. His apparent cuteness. Well, yea, he IS cute, but then, I not attracted to skin deep beauty only. Looks like shermaine's another victim to 'love at first sight', as well as 'puppy love.' we were walking near the bookshop where there was this large puddle of water. Shermaine was so high she didnt see the water and nearly slipped and fell. okay iam laughing like mad now. She looked super cute okay. she was like, "you know ah that guy- (slip, omg! grabs michele's hand)- so cute you know!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!' That, my friends is just the typical shermaine.

It rained really hard here. By midday, my gloom deepened to match the weather. I got really pissed with my parents over the simplest of matters. Okay, my mum mentioned that I looked like an indonesian maid when I tied my hair real low instead of high up as I normally would. Frankly, I know she's just making a joke, but she sounded disgusted and I just that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I totally blew up and told my mum that I was her daughter, not some indonesian maid. But now that I think about it, maybe I should have just laughed it off. But I cant. Iam not Atticus.

Then my dad mentioned this rather 'bad' habit of mine. See, since I was in primary school, I had always used the bottom of my staircase as a place where I wear my shoes. I would place the shoes at the extreme left corner so that no one would trip should they decide to come downstairs at night. But then my dad said it was dirtying the steps, which I found was untrue because 1: I clean my shoes, and 2: I Its only a small portion. He told me, I blew up again, and in less than 1 minute, I cooled down. My parents are wondering why I perform these crazy emotional gymnastics, and the truth is, I dont know myself either. I mean, I can be fine and dandy one min, and the next iam screaming at something annoying. I dont know. ARgh. Iam not like this in school though. School Iam fine. Its just at...home. No, my parents are great. They care for me and everything. So sometimes, i doubt its their fault.

I dont know what up with me.

Just read this somewhere.



If a woman crying in front of you, that means she is no longer can hold in her cry.
If you hold on to her hands while she is crying, she'll stay with you throughout your entire life.
If you let her go, she'll never come back the way she was at first. Forever….

A woman will not cry that easily, unless in front of the people that she loves greatly.Then, she becomes weak.
A woman will not cry that easily,and unless she really loves you, she will not be conservative.

I had to correct quite a lot of gramatical errors (and ,hopefully not changing the meaning in the process)

I don't know what overcome me okay. I knew it, I should have studied harder. Stupid Chem test. I know its only CA. I was so happy go lucky when my chem teacher asked me how I found the test. I was like," ...... erm.." At that point Dhiviyaa chose to ask my chem teacher," what was the answer for the last question? " And my teacher answered, " You must write about the efferversence and percipitation reaction with a metal. " I was thinking to myself, " What the hell! I didnt even write a crap about that. " Then I probably looked dejected or lost or worried or something, cos she(teacher) asked, "you alright?" I said, " yea.. " But totally was not.

Then after I reached home, I realised what kind of stupid mistake I created. Tried to do some E math hmk for a while then suddenly found myself unable to keep my eyes open. Flopped onto my bed for 40 winks, and guess what? I dreamt about my freaking CHEM TEST. I dreamt that my chem teacher called me up and told me that I had gotten a freaking 0 for my chem test. Here was the convo in my dream:

Teacher: Hello?
Me: hello?
Teacher: Julyn, why did you do so badly?
Me: That chem test?
Teacher: yes. YOu didnt do too well I have to say. 0 isnt a good mark is it?
Me: *speechless* thinks, I got 0?!
Teacher: is it?
Me: ...n..no..
Teacher: Iam disappointed in you. *hangs up*
Me: wait! *hears the click of the phone being hung up*

After that, I think I totally cried in my dream.In front of my Chem teacher. Then I realised that I was really crying, cos I got up and there were tears lingering in my eyes. I sat up and thought about my dream. Went to grab a towel in case I started crying for real. Sometimes, I really don't know about my emotions anymore. They're outta control, and Shibin would call me a cry baby. but I cant help it.


Then I had tuition today. I looked through my A math textbook and its like relearning everything again. I dont know what on earth the textbook is going on about. Its like greek to me. Then when my tuition teacher explained, I understood-for one min. the next, I forgot everything, and even he (my tuition teacher's super patient mind you) was getting agitated with me. We only had 2 hours to go through A math AND e math, and it was really a rush.

Then Emath, was revising radian, but it looked like I was relearing it again. Alright, I did remember some things, but they all looked so new. What's going on man. I planned to run out to my room and flood it with my tears. And that's exactly what I did (well, not actually FLOOD the floor) but I did end up crying, and crying super hard somemore. Think I actually screamed into my pillow. I used the same towel as above. After it was over, I felt ashamed. Not better, ashamed. Like, gosh. Iam crying over the inability to do math sums and a chemistry test. Then I came out of my room and got agitated with everyone, parents included. Then my maid told me that she couldnt find my school shorts. I was too tired to get pissed with her and just said, "yes yes.." although I was really fuming.
Stupid shorts. I wish to see them fly around my room in an invisibility cloak, that great hairy hog.

Help me. SOmeone help me. Cheer me up or something. Iam in need of that now. How can I have a better control over my emotions man..

Doctor Loh is going to kill me. Look what stupid thing I did.







I stuck a toothpick through the yellow portions. And then...




Forced it back on. But its super loose. Hope I dont swallow it.

I cant stand it. My mum's nagging me about the fact that I didnt study my chem test as hard as I should. And its actually worrying/upsetting that I cant seem to understand what my chem teacher is teaching us! Am I like the worst in chem or WORST?! Cos I really dont want to disappoint my chem teacher, I know she's already trying her best to teach us. And it was my Chem which pulled up my science in Mid year, my chem teacher praised me, and now here I am, FAILING! She's gonna think that I have a realy swollen head or something, or that I got too complacent. I was totally frekaing out during chem test today, even my teacher was govering around me. I cant, cant stand it no longer!! A math and E math test next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE DIE DIE

I must say, that was totally random. And yes, what Iam going to talk about is a gi-rl thing.. so..
During EM, MC apparently decided to comment on KH's manner of sitting ( open coffee shop kind) and it somehow digressed and became something else...

YOu know what, I think I ought to be studying chem. I'll finish this post if I have time and in the mood for it.

I cant stand it, I just cant stand it. What happened? Why am I so careless?
I lost my BRAND NEW green pen, and I mean brand new. It wasn't even out of the popular plastic bag and I lost it. And my homework journal also. I mean, fine, the pen can be re-bought ( my wallet hurts here) but the journal, its got EVERYTHING inside, from my braces appointments to my friend's contact numbers to my drawings. Please please PLEASE God, PLEASE let me find them. I don't want to lose them. Iam sorry if I made this mistake once.

My temper these days keep rising.. Its annoying. Iam annoyed with someone and I dont know why. Of course not all the time. But well. Maybe its 'this age' and 'this time'.

2's company, 3's a crowd. Sometimes, its really hard not to feel that way.

Hi readers of my blog. Something really funny happened today, cept that I have no idea how to explain it in words as the impact wouldnt come out. Of course it aint as good as seeing it for real, but this is the best there is for now. Rather then waste my breath ( and energy needed to move the fingers), here's the graphical image I just drew. Dont laugh at my ridiculous drawing.

This was the 4 mats I was sitting on-together with Ping En, Miho, and Brenda. We were sitting on top. The mats were large, over a metre in height.

As I was climbing down, I FELL through the mats onto the floor. Blame my clumsiness. The coach, thinking that the mats were out of shape, PUSHED IT INTO SHAPE>.<>

Well oh well. Iam a bit flat now. But that cant be helped =/

How can you be so ungrateful?
How can you say, the sun doesnt shine?
Let me take you by the hand
And show something that'll make you change your mind.
Do you remember the good times we had
Before you changed and grappled with time?
Do you recall the smile you gave me
When I ask you if you'd come
You smiled so sweetly, ever so dear
Then turned, when I shed a tear.
Why do you want to treat me this way?
Does it bring joy to you,
And does it satify you?
I have nothing against you.
Yet, you have.

And yet again, the feeling of loneliness is unfathomable. That I need you in times of stress, in times of worry, in times of grief and sorrow. Tell me, who is there , as a shoulder to cry on and as a source of comfort? How easy it is to say," I'll stand by you" and how it is even easier to leave me behind. It wasnt long before I knew- you couldnt be trusted.

AEP today. Which promted me to blog about the depression AEP brings. I mean, Iam really surprised that no one has yet committed suicide due to AEP just yet. Well, maybe I'll be the 1st. Anyway. We began on the building of our boxes today with hammer and nails. It was great fun at 1st, then the novelty wore off soon enough. Then it became exhausting. Shermaine kindly agreed to hammer the nails and I'd hold up the boxes to check if the nail was driven in well enough. Sure, we had accidents. I smashed my thumb, like, 4 times trying to get the nail driven in properly. No not consecutively. But then, Iam sure all of us did hit our nails at some time. It was a wonder I didnt get any splinters. But then its luck I guess.

New Geog teacher. We were introduced to her once before, just that we totally forgot her name. So we made a guess:

New teacher and old one walk in:
Us: Good morning Miss yip and Ms... Norshida..?
Old and new teacher start laughing..
Us: ???
New teacher: Iam miss Norainee.
Us: OHH. OMg..
Old: hahahah..
Us: ....
LOL. Shows how gd we are at rmbring names.
I have SS test tomorrow. And well as A math hmk which needs to be handed in. But Iam blogging. Why?
I cant do the hmk. Pls show me how tmr shermaine.

God Please Bless My Eyes on What I Saw Last Thursday:
Was coming back from AEP. You know how where my house is, people have gotten raped before? NO, I didnt see a rape case! But I did see something else.
Was around, lets see, 8++ at night? I took the shortcut across the canal and began this long walk lit only by a few streetlamps. In the daytime, it was nothing, but at night, every sound is magnified, each breath of wind which blew was rapists seeking victims, each footstep I took wa another step towards danger..well u get the idea.
Before I actually started crossing, I spotted a figure near the canal. It was moving, so I guessed it couldnt be a pillar. The only other way was round the back of the road, which was a long way more. I treaded in front of the head of the drain, then took a gamble and entered the shortcut. I touched the railing. It squeaked.

The figure reavealed itself as a couple, a guy and a girl. I thought they were just standing there. They were not either. With their arms around each other, I was disgusted enough, as they were hugging and kissing fit to die. I was glad it was dark, but it wasnt dark enough to cover their actions. I thought they must be mad- they were having s** right there, next to the drain!
I promise, never in my life would I ever want to intrude on this moment, the shock on the guy's face, the embarrassment in the girl's. It sure gave me the goosebumps- it was then that I realised that what I had seen earlier was.. erhrm.. foreplay..
I don't want to see it again. Never ever. Amen.

Sigh. I see other people have so many photos, I really feel super depressed. Ya la I know. I aint all that photogenic. But its true. I know. I should be happy for those people and know that there are others who are less fortunate than I am. But I feel so damn low, so shoved aside, so left out. Why. I know this isnt as bad as 'last time'. My tagboard also so empty. People come here most of the time, is due my asking them to. When I see others' blog, its also really depressing. Yes blogs are for sharing happy times, sad times. And for sharing them with other people. Iam sharing, no ones responding. Its really sad. Yes.

" Sometimes, I feel like Boo Radley, people think of me as a shadow, and they make a freak show outta me, enacting a strange little drama of their own invention. "

You see the moon and the stars... look how far we have come...

That song's stuck in my head.. So is everything that is national day related. Really. What's up with the government who tries to instil in us the goodness of national identity. Okay. Its good. I applaud the government for that.

Boredom. Time. When you've got nothing to do but blog, the hands on the clock go by really slowly. i dont have anything to say and no one's talking to me. If there were I wouldnt be blogging. Heard that Crystal's getting braces. Good for her:) Recommended her to go to my orthodontist but she doesnt want. Told her very good already still don want:( Never mind la. People are entitled to full respect of their opinions.

Finished drawing pac man. Kite flying tomorrow. Gosh. I think I'll find something to do. Meanwhile.... Iam glad you read all these things.. Mundane? yep. and don't call me sluggish. I just have nothing to do right now, that's all. Bye people.

Urgh. I need to, have to, want to, finish AEP sketches! Its driving my nuts, up the wall. So you think that I only have AEP as a subject right? Yea yea. Wadever. Draw and draw. You think I got so much time is it.

Somemore want me go flea market buy things. You siao ah. Where on earth am i going to find a miniature arm chair? Whose's butts are so small to fit in that armchair? What? I make ah? Okay lor, you want me to make , i make for you. But then dont say not nice ah. Is you ask me make one.
You tell me hurry go flea market. Where to find flea market i ask you? In singapore very little flea market leh. Sure. Got tekka mall. but then there got sell what i ask you.
I see other people draw, nice sia. what? I cannot reach that standard la. Too much already.
Ya lor. I also know, I ought not to be blogging. You say I waste time. Fine la. SO everyone will see how mundane me life is. Your fault ah.

Reflection..

National Day Celebrations today. Michele and Shermaine pangseh-ed (i spelt it right this time! :D) me to go out with Zenia and some of their other guides. :( Bao Yi is super touched that Dr Loh remembers her and tells Dr Loh that " I miss her" Hahahaha.. Strange how strangers appear to become our friends while on a job.. Bao Yi, dont cry okay:') You'll never know what Dr Loh will do.. ^^ I'll try to be with you in December if our timings meet:) Iam sure she'll be touched also.

Actually, I dont think that what Bao Yi is doing is unreasonable, if at all. Let me try and "climb into her skin and walk around in it."
I've stuck with the same orthodontist for 2 years.. (or was it 1? ) and, okay,so Dr Loh is friendly.I guess it normal to feel upset. Especially when you know that that will be the last time you'll see them again. Its a personal relationship, one that cannot be achieved through a one-time basis. I guess all people will meet some people that have an impact on your life, somehow, and I guess this one is mine- and Bao Yi's. Maybe we'll have more in the future. But then, its sad. And maybe I'll cry too..when the time comes, be it 1 year, 2 years or 3, I can tell Bao Yi not to cry, but maybe it isnt so easy to stop crying,after all. I'll be probably touched as well,if not even cry. And when I do, I'll finally know that I cant help it. After all, you've met someone that has left and lasting impression on you-besides straight teeth.

Oh yay. Blogger's working again. I know I have a lot of things to say. Just that..I cant remember what. Anyway. I'll post the only thing I can remember okay..
Tightened my braces yesterday. It hurt more than the actual insertion itself. Here's how it went..

Dentist(D): Hi!
Me: ..... hi:)
D: why you look so lost?
Me: me?? no what..
D: sit down..
*sits*
D: What colour(for the rubber bands) do you want?*holds out ring of colours*
Me: ..ermm..I ..I..
D: Take red and white! for national day!
Me: ...... you said the same thing to my friend too..
D: your friend?
Me: Yup. She came here too.
D: Oh, who?
Me: Bao Yi.
D: OHHH Bao yi!!... But..she took out already what!!
Me: Ya lor I know.. So lucky right.
D : You just started! Still want to compete with her!
Me: Iam not competing!
D : How was the braces? Painful?
Me: er..
D: Bearable or not?
Me: Bearable.
D: Wah strong.
Me: its not that pain what... =/
D: *hands me sunglasses* Its to protect your eyes from falling objects
Me: .okay..
D: yea. like instruments, metal bits, or even me.
Me: ????!!!!
D: Joking only la. Think you'll get a fright if I fall onto you.
Me: hahaha?
D: *removes archwire*
Me: Owwwwwww....
D: Bao yi never told you about the pain right? She told you that Iam such a good orthodontist right??
Me: ....*nods head*
D: Now that iam hurting you you'll hate me right?
Me ( finding it hard to talk): I donk hate eyou...
D: I know, you love me right??
Me: * too painful to reply*
D: Any major exams coming up?
Me: ... (still too painful)
D: silence?
Me: ...
D: silence means comsent yes?
Me : *nods head*
D: * forces rubber band onto metal bracket*
Me: OWWWWWWWWW!
D: Pain??
Me: *starts to close mouth*
D: Julyn...you're biting me.
Me: ...
D: I give you pain you give me pain back. so sad..
Me: *suddenly closes mouth*
D: OWWWWW! Aiyo julyn ah!
Me: Sowwwyy!
D: Never bite your orthodontist!
Me: ...
D:stil pain?
Me: ya..
D: Not crying yet are you?
Me: no...( Thinks of bao yi having to undergo this for a year and thinks of my own fate)
D: Done!
Me: *takes off sunglasses*
D: wah you're perspiring!
Me:.. ya...
D: Dont cry okay.
Me: I wont..not unless there's extraction or sth..
D: OH.. I know your weak point..
Me : ...
D:see you in 4 weeks time!

Gosh. I know its super long. But damn funny.. haha. Bao Yi must read this:)

I AM SUPER PISSED WITH MYSELF FORNOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL MY FREAKING IMPULSIVITY