I don't know what overcome me okay. I knew it, I should have studied harder. Stupid Chem test. I know its only CA. I was so happy go lucky when my chem teacher asked me how I found the test. I was like," ...... erm.." At that point Dhiviyaa chose to ask my chem teacher," what was the answer for the last question? " And my teacher answered, " You must write about the efferversence and percipitation reaction with a metal. " I was thinking to myself, " What the hell! I didnt even write a crap about that. " Then I probably looked dejected or lost or worried or something, cos she(teacher) asked, "you alright?" I said, " yea.. " But totally was not.

Then after I reached home, I realised what kind of stupid mistake I created. Tried to do some E math hmk for a while then suddenly found myself unable to keep my eyes open. Flopped onto my bed for 40 winks, and guess what? I dreamt about my freaking CHEM TEST. I dreamt that my chem teacher called me up and told me that I had gotten a freaking 0 for my chem test. Here was the convo in my dream:

Teacher: Hello?
Me: hello?
Teacher: Julyn, why did you do so badly?
Me: That chem test?
Teacher: yes. YOu didnt do too well I have to say. 0 isnt a good mark is it?
Me: *speechless* thinks, I got 0?!
Teacher: is it?
Me: ...n..no..
Teacher: Iam disappointed in you. *hangs up*
Me: wait! *hears the click of the phone being hung up*

After that, I think I totally cried in my dream.In front of my Chem teacher. Then I realised that I was really crying, cos I got up and there were tears lingering in my eyes. I sat up and thought about my dream. Went to grab a towel in case I started crying for real. Sometimes, I really don't know about my emotions anymore. They're outta control, and Shibin would call me a cry baby. but I cant help it.


Then I had tuition today. I looked through my A math textbook and its like relearning everything again. I dont know what on earth the textbook is going on about. Its like greek to me. Then when my tuition teacher explained, I understood-for one min. the next, I forgot everything, and even he (my tuition teacher's super patient mind you) was getting agitated with me. We only had 2 hours to go through A math AND e math, and it was really a rush.

Then Emath, was revising radian, but it looked like I was relearing it again. Alright, I did remember some things, but they all looked so new. What's going on man. I planned to run out to my room and flood it with my tears. And that's exactly what I did (well, not actually FLOOD the floor) but I did end up crying, and crying super hard somemore. Think I actually screamed into my pillow. I used the same towel as above. After it was over, I felt ashamed. Not better, ashamed. Like, gosh. Iam crying over the inability to do math sums and a chemistry test. Then I came out of my room and got agitated with everyone, parents included. Then my maid told me that she couldnt find my school shorts. I was too tired to get pissed with her and just said, "yes yes.." although I was really fuming.
Stupid shorts. I wish to see them fly around my room in an invisibility cloak, that great hairy hog.

Help me. SOmeone help me. Cheer me up or something. Iam in need of that now. How can I have a better control over my emotions man..