gibberish

Finally, some air, a short, short! breather before plunging into the depths of more, more more, major exams in the coming week! That includes physics, geography, literature, emath, chemistry( OMG) and Amath, for those who take it.

Iam drowning. Somebody come save my soul.

Exam exam exam.
Hate. Really.
Iam too tired to blog now.
but I shall try.
Literature test today, muscle ache super badddddd(use of additional 'd's, shows the degree of pain I am in) now. In fact, I doubt if I can write much.

And I feel bad. I really do. But I cant do nothing about it now.
Headache.

。。。。。。

今天上华文补习课，需要写作文，得到作作文的经验。作文上谈起地铁上的人民不让位给孕妇， 但是我也认为，自己有没有给自己‘让位’的机会呢？我只是靠成绩，不让自己抓紧时间，抓紧机会？ 知道今天写的作文差得很，但我不怕老师吗，只怕老师失望。考试就是下个星期！！！！

唉，我的作文还有不足的地方，真令我失望，非要不可？ 为什么别人能够考上好成绩，而我不能呢？我生命上和别人有什么不同，使他们能够考上好成绩呢？
也许，我自己误会了，自己太不理解感情，自己太愚蠢，太优秀，想法太像小孩的幼稚。
我真想改变自己的看法，但是我是否能达到父母的要求呢？能够达到我最心爱老师的要求呢？

我知道，跌下来了，应该再爬起来，不管路有多长，多困难，也应该不放弃。但是这只是用言语表达，自己真正能够达到呢？
最怕的是，华文补习老师，张老师，对我的成绩很失望，应为我再次用力也不能达到她的要求，不能达到自己的要求，使她失望，也使自己失望。
我对这件事而烦恼。

爱

爱。
就是那么的珍惜，那么的完美。
爱。
是一种感觉，是一种幸福又甜蜜的感觉，是一种美德。

为什么全世界上的人不能有自己真心爱的人呢?
是不是因为两人之间没有缘呢？还是因为自己不知道是否能够接触到爱，这字，呢？
但是，有些人认为，爱，不是那么的完美，也不是那么的美妙。
为什么他们会有这样的想法？是因为他们如爱有些隔离，认为他们这一辈子永远不能爱上别人。
可能他们遇到不好的经验，受到不理想的事，使自己不能接受以后这‘爱’这字所有的后果？
不错，爱是有点寂寞，可以使人身伤心难过，使人生命上不接受。
但是，我们应该这样想么？应该回想过去和爱的不理呢?
不，我们不应该这样想！我们应该永远记住，一定会有别的机会爱上别人，能够幸福的过着完美的生活，应为一定要记得，我们还幸福，应该勇敢地前进，不要沉默在过去的探索中！

前途是否完美，我们也不应该放弃自己，应为这才能够使自己能够有别的机会爱上别人，能够快快乐乐的活下去，应为有这种想法，才能使自己受到真正爱你的人！

心情？

I feel like typing the damned F WORD out here now. If it wasnt for the fact that some people follow my blog Iam not going to type it. Never mind. I shall write in chinese.
有些人，为了一点小事，就愿意欺负别人，欺负朋友。
我怎么导致自己所发生的事呢？难道，它真是我的错么？不，我一定相信自己，知道自己能够快速的度过这段非常时期，知道自己能够坚持到底！
但是，如果好朋友出卖了你，放弃了你， 我如何再怎么对待她呢？永远在会有机会收到别的欺负？
我应该有足够的坚强再从这是当中鼓起勇气，应该不要那么的伤心，好让自己有别的机会和朋友交谈。
你真是气死我了，恨死你了，不如，你去死了算了，这样，生命不就是完美了么？
（老师，我写的是华文字，但是我只得人可不是你啊:) )
And despite everything, some people are just not fated to be your very best friends. The truth hurts.

LoVe

Late late photos:D

Shermaine tying my hair. :D

Creation of video for Harbin Winter FAntasy tour:D

My love:)

Mum and I

L-O-V-E LOVE:)

whose's angry little girl are you?! >:(

(不知为什么，我会回想着那一天的所发生的事。
我一定要知道我还是幸福的。
我不应该怀在不愉快，痛苦的探索中。
我也知道这是很难达到的事。)

Oh yes, I know it, and I know it all too well- Its time to move on. Move on, putting your past behind you, in search of the future. I should make it a point to recollect fond memories in times of great distress. I know it, I know it! Yet why, why am I still wallowing in self pity, unable to tear myself away from what has happened?
Another thing. Thanks, all those people, who tell me that I should have done this and done that at that point in time. Damn, they think its easy, don't they? Sure, for you to sit in air conditioned comfort and just spout nonsence sure is easy. Everything is easy! Everything is sad! Lets all mourn the loss of a potential, albeit averted, disaster!
I KNOW IT!! I know what I should have DONE, but you really think you can dictate to me what I SHOULD BE DOING?!!! ALL THOSE WHOSE'S MOUTHS ARE BIGGER THAN THEIR BRAINS, STOP IT!
And also, stop trying to find out what happened to me. I'll say it now, defiantly. Our relationship ISNT AS CLOSE as you think it is. So stop acting as if it is!
气死人的态度。

哭与笑

我应该怎样想呢？应该受到伤害原谅别人吗？伤害不一定是身上所发生的伤害，而是心中受到的伤害。
而且，我是否能不能原谅这个人呢？我能吗？
有些人告诉我，应该坚持不哭，应该从这事情中作乐。这是个可行的方法。但是，我有足够的能力区坚持不哭呢？
相反的，有些人认为我应该把一切所受到的伤心难过痛痛快快地哭出来，好让身体，心里，好受些。这不但为我有好处，但是这也不适合我的性格。我如果愿意在你面前哭你就知道那是因为我相信你，相信你不会把我说的话当成笑话来看。
不如天神能送我一场春雨，那么，也许我哭了，也不容易被人发现。
我如何想别的事吗？

心情不如？

你知道我心中的苦吗？
你能了解我的心情吗？
告诉我， 为什么我不能放平心态呢？
为什么我不能把心中的苦去掉？
为什么我那么容易哭泣？
谁能告诉我，为什么我那么害怕？
为什么我不能战胜自己，勇敢地面对困难？
事情真的那么难解决吗？还是我自己心中不肯放松我所受到的苦？
不管事情是否完美，我也应该战胜自己，好不让这件事战胜我。
是，心中的苦不能完全消灭，但是我希望自己能够有足够的时间好尽力去试试。
我一定要好好地渡过这个难关，总会有一天，我就能向这件事挥手，向它告别。

wonderous beauty

The water gleamed with an uneasy sheen. It rippled along the edges of the pool, lapping at its toes and playing a game of catch-me-if-you-can with the concrete wall which, unlike the water, was full of vitality and life, and was as cold and crisp as a baked cookie.
I stood at the edge of the pool with mounting apprehension building in my chest. It had been a long time since I chanced upon such an opportunity, and this was one not to be missed. Beside me, my best friend, Yi Chuan, stood with taut grace, hands on her hips and was gazing intently at the water.
"Ready?" She asked.
With a strangled gasp, I nodded. A large fist of fear hammered away in my heart.
Without hesitation, Yi Chuan plunged, deep crests of water radiating away from the spot where her body entered the water. I spotted a distorted snake-like image that weaved its way around the bottom of the pool. Throwing caution to the winds, I took the plunge.

The water slapped me hard on the face as I inhaled a gulp of the cold water. It caught my breath and made me gasp, a innate, animalistic sound that replicated a monkey under duress. It was hard tame the pounding in my heart, but I attempted nonetheless, and to my great surprise, the water beneath my feet calmed. I felt the rigid lines of the floor make contact with the soles of my feet. My head was above the water, but only just.
I became aware of the life giving presence of the very water I was immersed in, and the environment before my eyes slowly began to take shape. I spotted Yi Chuan, just centimetres away, grinning, teeth flashed white in the light from overhead, as she waded her away towards the steps.
"Moments please, "I said, before raising my arms and letting them glide under the force of the water. I surged forward as my arms guided my sense of direction. It was comforting now, no longer cold, and it embraced me with a sense of security. I stopped short, and in a few quick, short seconds I saw what I thought was a girl standing on the far side of the pool, hair whipped around her face, and I watched her enter the pool with such grace my breath was taken away.
Underwater, her body careened through the water like a torpedo, forcing apart any obstructions with her very presence. Mermaid-like, I watched, transfixed, as she closed her eyes in sleepy slumber and remained cutting through the water, feet propelling her forward, arms pinned to her sides.
"You alright there?"
I looked up with a start. I had been still for more than 4 minutes. It was Yi Chuan, sitting up against the jacuzzi portion of the pool and paddling her legs in the cool water while bubbles ran up in torrents. Shifting away from the spot I was in, I wondered if I would be like that girl someday. If I ever could. Or perhaps, if I put in enough effort.
A figment of my imagination? I'd like to think not.

:D

老师！！！！！！您现在看我的伯克(cancel that), 博客，我好幸福啊！！:D
我爱你！:D
Hugs <3
Correction：博客。

Iam fortunate to have you as a friend, much as you are a teacher to me also:)

老师：
谢谢你的帮助， 使我勇敢地面对挫折，面对生命上的困难。谢谢你给我足够的支持，使我现在能够战胜自己，战胜别人。我知道生命上一定有不足的地方，所以非常感谢您的劝告使自己能够快速的渡过这个难关， 把过去的事情永远留在我的脑海中， 不再去想它。:)

Aish, sometimes I just hate growing up.

yesyesyes

( Looking back at our past photos, I miss all the times we spent together.)

It hasn't been very long, but I know that certain things will remain as past, I want it to remain as the past, without ever having to return to them again. But the notion of such affairs still stand, strong and true, and will, must, remain nothing more than a shadow of experience in my life, whatever the future may be.
And I must move on, purge the fear and put the past behind me, hard as it may be.

Went for extra Emath lesson in school today, Felt sick just before leaving the house, but brushed it off as insignificant. How wrong I was.
Whole of EM lesson was spent trying to prevent my eyes from closing in a faint. MC caught me and thought i was falling asleep, thanks Diane, for telling her that I wasnt well.
After class, walked like some zombie down the stairs with Shemaine and Michele. Was walking past the gallery steps when I saw Melina.
CAlled out to her to tell her that I wasnt well, couldnt stay back today. STarted seeing stars, had to lean on the wall to prevent myself from falling so fast.
Mel reached me, asked if I was okay, i think, then I don't know, but the next minute i was on the floor with Mel and Sher round me asking if I was okay. I whispered yes, but I had attracted a fair crowd, which was really embarassing- for me.
Tried to get up, failed, tried again, succeeded. Mel and Sher was supporting me, made my way to the carpark, my mum was alr there waiting for me.
MC wanted to give me a lift, bless her, but there was no need to cos my mum was alr there.
Went home, bones aching like mad. Came down with a fever of 39 degrees.

I want to talk to someone, talk to someone I KNOW so awfully badly, but there's no one to listen, no one who wants to listen to me, all this pent up frustration is annoying me so much, I want to scream or cry or pour it out to someone I know well but there's no one willing to listen!! There's no one who will listen, wants to listen, can listen, bothers to listen!!! 

...(elipses)

I am very unsettled. I am super afraid. I am also extremely scared. Why must this happen?! Of all people, me? Much as I try to erase that image from my mind, I still can picture it, as vivid and clear as it was during that time itself. And when I try to cut it out, the image of a knife slices into my mind, bouncing and rolling forward like a bowling ball, so that it crashes into the front my my mind.

Please God, help me. 

谢谢老师

To a teacher, who is more than a teacher to me:
Thanks for always being there. For being a shoulder to cry on, for listening to all my problems and woes, especially during THIS period of time. You have always been concerned for me, my welfare, my interests.
谢谢你愿意当我的倾诉对象，有不愉快和辛苦的可以跟你说。我爱你:D

isthistrue

Never, never in my whole life had I ever envisioned something of this sort to happen. I cant believe it, it happened so fast, I had little time to react. Iam afraid now, so very afraid, of what my future may speak of, of what may lie in wait for me. Yes, Mrs Low is right, more of these may cross my path in the future. So I guess my best option right now is to stay strong, fight with my head instead of my fists and be a gentleman- or woman.
And then I remembered. Friends, teachers- they're all there for you, to help you, to be your listening ear. But friends give back in return. I don't know whether I can give back what I receive from my friends- and that makes me sad.
But still, thank you, all, for being a shoulder to cry on and for being there to listen to me. I may need you again, will you still be there?

I hate being the third party. Why cant I just be someone who isnt the 3rd party for a change? Why don't you try being the 3rd party for once? How about seeing things from my point of view?

You never know a person until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. Isnt that so true?