I cant believe that I've been made into what's called a Gi-rl in just 1 afternoon. And to tell you the truth, I cant believe it was so easy also. Like the saying goes, 'a leopard never changes its spots.' what then ,made me become to girly all of a sudden? Lets reflect........

Had planned much earlier to go out with Shermaine and Michele today. The main reason, I think, was that I needed to buy a Crumpler bag and Shermaine needed to scout for a wallet. Earlier in the day, we celebrated Founder's Day in school. When school ended, we proceeded to Shermaine's house to change ( in which , due to my brain being like a sieve, I forgot to bring my slippers =/ and was lucky that Sher had an extra pair to lend me). Most days, I'd be contended with tying my hair up as i thought it would be a lot cooler. Somehow, I ended up tying a half pony- michele's idea:)
Then we went for lunch at Pizza Hut. I ate a oriental chicken while mich and sher both took speghetti. The top plate for mine was DAMN DAMN hot. I burnt my finger 7 times :(

We then went to Paragon. The crumpler store was pretty empty, and the moment we went in the 4 shop keepers stood up. Frightening sight yea. I found it quite hard to browse through the bags when every minute, a shopkeeper would come up and ask if we needed help. I went there with the intention of buying a blue and red one. ended up buying a blue one with an orange stripe running through it.

Then window shopped. We went into so many and bought so little. Metro, Marks and spencers, some small idle shops littered around, giordano.Ended up buying only, erm. A pack of biscuits ( mich ) 1 black shirt each ( DAMN LOW CUT) a pair of shorts( me) and a crumpler(me).

Went back to sher's house. Played WII for a while before leaving at 5+++ for home, sweet home :D sorry the last part is rushed. Iam rushing. :)

WHY?! Our relationship is burning out. We were close. Then, somehow, the connection was lost. I don't understand. I miss the way we were. I hate the way we are. Please.

You know something? Apart from the mundane stuff like being afraid of opinions, Iam really afraid of friendship problems. I mean, Who isnt? Dont we all need that emotional support?? Don't we all need......friends?

Every friendship has different degrees. Whether its a close friendship, a distant one, or one which we only know by the name 'acquaintance' and when a friendship breaks apart, what hurts most?

Sometimes its very indirect. One might not even know it till you realise the person giving you the cold shoulder. I'd say that's upsetting enough.

What's more upsetting is when a person secretly holds a grudge against you but acts all ally pally. And every time this happens, the person feels no pain. Until the very end when someone actually says, "hey. You know that she doesn't like you right? " and the reality hits-HARD. The shock is enough to mask your thoughts and make u turn 'stark-white'

There's another type who will treat you badly. Then again, in this circumstance, one can remain at an arm's length distance.

Then? Those who secretly hate you but only allow you be with them when you do stuff for them. That's mad. Almost tantamount to bullying. Just a mental bullying. Not physical. And that, hurts even more.

I cant say for sure. My perception. If you think otherwise you've probably had different experiences. And the list is endless. That's why I believe friendships are as delicate as a one-piece glass. Once broken, can never be fully healed unless both parties are willing to produce an extra piece to glass to mend the broken one. However, when friends each play a part and add a piece of glass to the one-piece glass, the glass is stronger and can therefore withstand more knocks. Such friendships we want. And we can only attain this when the glass has been 1st broken. Its a vicious cycle.

Absence of lessons today :D Sec 3s had what we know as, Games Day, where each and every student ( with the exception of those injured ) was an opportunity to play a part and indulge in class bonding. Would I say 3/6 became more bonded? Yes definately. Why?

Here's the reason, and a brief overview of the day. 4 sports, namely basketball, netball, captain's ball and badminton were picked for this year's Games day. As I was unfamiliar with the rules for the games save for captain's ball, that was my obvious option. Shermaine and Michele too chose that game. We joined the throng of people who were hooting their lungs out at the boundaries of the field (where we were playing) and waited for out turn. After 2 rounds of selection, I was picked as the goal keeper, the one who catches the ball for the team to score.

Honestly speaking, I was afraid for I never played this in primary sch after the unfortunate inccident of me falling off the chair (misfortune magnet, I know) . I finally decided to conquer my fears! Haha not exactly, because I was picked anyway, I couldnt really back out.

We were pitched against 3/5. On the score board it was written : 3/5 vs 3/6 . Oh man. That sends the shivers alright. And just 1 second ago, I was bitten by a red ant when I tried to prevent if from climbing into the keyboard =/ Where was I? Oh yes. The 3/5 players were good, I'd admit. But I didnt bargain for the way one of the team players, in a ditch effort to prevent me from catching the ball, shoved her fingers up my nose. I know, you don't have to say it. EWWW.
Needless to say, 3/5 won the game by a landslide. I was standing, slouched, after pathetically muttering, " go 3/6, go 3/6, go threeeeee/ sixxxxx, gooo threeeeeeeeee /sixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, go 3 ....,....." Thankfully, I can comfort myself with the fact that all of us were there to share the pain of defeat. I still caught all of the balls thrown at me anyway. Singaporean expression : Not bad la. xD

Since we lost the very 1st round (ouch) we neednt play for any more rounds. So what did we do? Sit at the canteen table, stoning, with Zenia, Shermaine and Michele. There were talking greek. No not literally. They were talking about stuff which I could only join in like, 1% D; I never fancied Taiwanese group bands anyway, but I still respect their love anyway :)

I dont have to say that we lost overall. And since I had no handphone, and not camera, Iam unable to capture this moment for posterity. D;

Your Result: Borderline Personality

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a prolonged disturbance of personality function characterized by depth and variability of moods. The disorder typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood; "black and white" thinking, or "splitting"; chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation. These disturbances can have a pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life. This includes difficulties maintaining relationships in work, home and social settings. Onset of symptoms typically occurs during adolescence or young adulthood. Symptoms may persist for several years, but the majority of symptoms lessen in severity over time.

I miss you
I love you
I hate you
I like you
I think of you
I pray for you
I cry for you
I die for you
I love you
I adore you
I want you
I need you
I am not thinking about YOU.

Why do we always wish to be someone else? Why arent we happy with the person we are? We compare ourselves to others and wonder why we cant be like them. Iam a pretty opinionated person. And the irony is, Iam also afraid of opinions. They say that I'd rather opinions be kept to ourselves. But then again, its not possible. we cant live life with our eyes closed. Whether we like it or not, people around us-family, friends-will compare us with others. And that's something we cant put a stop to.

We admire others who are better than us. But do we really do anything to emulate them? We do-far too much. Think about those people who try to emulate their pop star idols and what happens? Some don't even think that that pop star idol is great. Yet they try to follow them. Why? They want to keep up with the Joneses.

Nevertheless, a coin has its 2 sides. Our friends, when they do well in school, we congratulate them. Yet we secretly hope to become like them one day. Inspiration. Different people view this in different ways. Some feel put down and insignificant , just like I do, when I see people do so well and me??
Its not often when we try to follow in our friends footsteps when they do well. Instead, we tend to gravitate towards those who can give the moral support- those who do just as well if not worse. Isnt it human instinct? This way, we could comfort ourselves with the fact that there are others who do just as badly. The result? We become even worse.

Should I drop A math?? Ppl keep pushing me to drop it. But I cant imagine life without it. YesI depend on it like a terminally ill person on a life support. And what about the fact that I may have to take on 2 subjects in place of a math? The fact that I have to change class? The fact that I appealed into this class THROUGH A math and now that I have to drop it? The psychological torture of lacking the dignity to pass a subject that so many of my friends can?
Being clamped between the devil and the deep blue sea isnt a viable option, is it?
I swear I wont cry as much as the day I received my a math results, big brother.

HAHA. I shall try to write a blog post shermaine's style :D okay.

Had IJ fiesta today, damn funny la, give us the dunno what talk about our rich culture.
Does it mean we have a lot of money or very cultural.

Haha. Michele also damn funny. Ate so much the whole day, I put on a load of fats. Ahhhh.
Then Michele and I went to Shermaine's house. Played WII fit! Shermaine took a lot of unglam photos of me and michele, but michele not so bad. heh.

Then shermaine and michele started watching some show, I have no idea what it is.
Doubt they even knew I existed D;
Had to leave after that. Was 5 something already.

Then went to NTUC fairprice to buy pandan leaves for my father. Search for so long then finally found. Hai.

Went to popular with michele and spent another long time looking at the guide books.
Wanted to buy the math ass. book but school cheaper so I will buy there :D

Michele looked at the guide book for a math so long I could have slept. jk la. I was also looking. haha.

This year IJ fiesta not as nice as previous years. Games boring sia.. D;

Iam disappointed beyond measure.

You know you always tell me that you treat me as a friend. And that you always 'comfort' me by telling me how your life's so packed. Sometimes I ask you if Iam disturbing you. You say no. But after much thought, I believe that I have my reasons for thinking the way I do.

a) I talk, you don't reply. Ok. I admit i think iam a bit paranoid here, but why do I get the impression that its just me?? Ok:) You've a very packed schedule. I understand and dont demand attention. From exp I've learnt to trust my gut feeling.

b) May I ask you a qns? Were you very popular in school? And if you were, do you only hang out with the popular kids? You have so many friends - so many it becomes a hassle keeping in touch with them all.

c ) Do I appear as the pathetic, weak person you see me as? I may not be popular yes. But I DO have a good character also. So dont think that Iam so lowly yea. And to think that you think iam a baby, its so sad.

Don't think that you're the person I think and feel about here. I want to put it into words better than the way i've expressed myself here. But Iam afraid that if I reveal too much, you'll use it against me. And I would have shot myself in the foot. Besides, you might get an idea ofwho iam referring to.
I've learnt that one the getting to know you stage is over, time becomes the ultimate test for a friendship.

Yea. I agree when you say that results isnt everything. But to someone else, it is. Let try my very own LORMS qns.



To what extent is examination results effective in gauging student's standards? Name two methods and evaluate their efficiency.

The two methods are hardwork and brain power. Hardwork of the student depends mainly on heredity, enabling the student to 'strive for accuracy' and have the strong mindedness to weather the hard times. With hardwork, the brain can now move at a faster speed to remove the buildup of deposits of irrelvant material ( cute and hot guys, rubbish hmk, etc.) and this reduces the rate of deposition. This prevents the brain from becoming shallower and causing flooding. However, the increased speed of the brain may cause the lower courses of the brain to hold more irrelevant material than it can due to the increased volume. This in turn may cause flooding. Solving a problem in the upper courses of the brain might cause the lower courses of a brain to flood. Though flooding in the upper course may cease, the lower course would still be subject to flooding. An example is my brain. While hardwork helps, the brain's bed in the lower course would still flood due to the increased volume of irrelevant material. The 2nd method is brain power. New levees, example Memory pills. are built to increase the brain's capacity to hold material. However, in the long term, the brain experiences friction like rustiness between the brain's ability to think and its material. This would slow the speed of the material down and cause deposition, thus inabling the student to think properly. Overtime, the deposition accumulates and the brain's channel thus becomes shallower, increasing the likelihood of flooding. Thus, levees in the form of memory pills which have been consumed must be kept well maintained and consumed daily. In all, the measures taken are effective to some extent. The levees built could prevent flooding downstream where the increased volume of material is caused by the hardwork.

Its enough to try to push the feeling of the exams out of your head. But it comes back every so often to haunt you, the feeling of it being at the back of your head but when you least expect it, it meaders its way out, fighting to be shown under the acres of crocheted problems, just like a snake. It tightens itself around your neck and you choke under the pressure. You hear the snake's breath breathing in your ear, dense, heavy, fog-like. 'go on...play....heck the hmk, the studies....' it hisses.
Even though it does not obstruct your eyes, you see and hear nothing, only the soft hissing of the snake as it entwines itself around your neck. the air is dense with the snake's breath and each gasp of air is a fighting spider snagging its way up your throat. With each hissing breath, the air fogs up and you find yourself becoming sleepy, charmed by the snake. At the back of you mind, you realise that this snake is going to kill you, overpower you with its mental strength and the thought forces you to pull away, from the air, from the snake, from yourself. And then you are free again, running wild, leaving behind the problems and freeing yourself from the snake that had held you down for so long.

AVERIL :D On MSN when i showed her the MSN plus and the downloading.. yes..I know you love me for that hahahaha :D

You get that feeling when life's about to change, isnt it? Whether its for the better or the worse, life's the same - unfair. Not just to me. To everyone. At some point in life everyone feels as if their life couldnt become any worse, and just when you think that way it does, somehow not humanely possible. Well, ur not alone. I feel this way too, all too often. Its the high expectations people set for you? Haha. Goals. They're meant to be set by yourself, not others.

With that comes anger and a lot of misconceptions about yourself. It seems that these days, my temper keeps rising and I get really annoyed over the simplest of matters. I love the way I was, I hate the way I am now. I dont even understand myself when I get upset. its just not my normal behaviour. The worst part? taking it out on people I love most in my life. I know its wrong. But then again, if it is,what isnt?

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around.

Cest la vie. Deal with it. With life. And its challenges of being an adolescent.

It may not be appropriate to speak of the very 1st time I actually experienced a creamation. But it being the 1st, I guess I should have the opportunity of sharing a similar experience we'll all have to go throuhg at least once in our lives.

The wake was held at Bedok. honestly speaking, I wasnt mentally prepared for the amount of noise, drum-beating and clanging that greeted us, followed by a precession of people ( whom I later realised were my relatives ) clad in a brown felt sack and a white cloth which was draped in a sleepy fashion around their heads. I actually took a look at my grandaunt as she made her final journey towards the creamtorium. The make up artist who did her up did a REALLY bad job. I mean, who applies so much powder that the face turns the colour of paper???
Ps. Answer to shermaine's qns about whether we can still feel when we are dead : I dont think so cos the blood is drained from us.

From the wake, we followed the herse which was a pretty long time considering that fact that the herse was driving really SLOWLY and we were walking along a main road, thus causing a massive traffic jam. I was patient, but how about the others in their cars which were rushing off the various destinations?

We chartered an SBS bus so that was our main mode of transport to Mandai creamatorium. the journey there was 30 mins. While everyone in the bus was asleep, (*typical) I jacked up phone which had restarted =.=" and plugged in the earplugs. I dont know if that was inappropriate considering the circumstances. But its done anyway.

Arrival, we proceded to the main hall where blessings for the departed were made, 1st by the immediate family members, then by the more distant relatives. Then were were shown into the viewing hall for the cremation.

The hall was cold, really cold, and this added to the already tense atmosphere where the air smelt of fire and ash and the suffocating smell of jasmine flowers gave my a headache. Then one of my relatives started crying. OMG. That really set everyone off. I was really, REALLY hoping that wouldnt happen because above everything, I really detest hearing people cry, more so if they are adults. I guess the guy who was helping us was prepared for he brought in a entire box of Kleenex. Then while the the conveyor belt brought my Grandaunt into the furnace, the crying levels increased and my aunt started sobbing their heart out and wailing ' mother ah!!! ' at the same time. All this while, I was stoning and gripping the brown wooden pole in front of me cos I was trying to comprehend the entire situation.
Then, as if to ease the tension, someone's handphone rang and it kinda eased the tension for a split second. " Hey baby!!! You've got a message from your dear! Read it please! Muacks! " Its quite inappropriate I know. Sigh. I was glad my phone was on silent mode- and I made my mum do the same.

Once it was over, we were shown out of the viewing hall and just as suddenly as the crying started,it stopped. Like in mid-sob. we were served refreshments, (mineral water) and then proceeded to board the bus back to the wake, where lunch was waiting.
Here's a fact I learnt : YOU CANNOT SAY " BYE! IAM LEAVING NOW " AT A FUNERAL FOR THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED EXTREMELY RUDE. " I have no idea. Fine. Dont say bye, say hi.

Sigh. The last of my 'grand- smth' s have gone to heaven. Its always nice to think that when someone dies, he/ she goes to heaven. Its the only comfort, so that one day, when we walk in the shadow of death, we need not be afraid, for Jesus is there with us always.

michele trying to act the bimbo, but failing miserably:)

In school doing the Tamil tigers project earlier in the year. Look at shermaine's fringe yea:)

Shermaine during AEP:)

mich.. Playing diner dash as we were walking home from sch . haha. Didnt notice...

HAHA. Mich, so busy playing Sola Rola She didnt even realise when i took a photo of her. 3/6 notice board at the back! Woo hoo!

Mich.. SLOWLY eating her macs when I was finished SO long ago. HAHA>,<

HAHA. I took this long time ago. But just posted it cos Iam lazy to plug in my phont a 2nd time.

I wonder what happens if we combine our names.
Michele + shermaine = Michmaine (weird)
Michele + ju lyn = Michlyn ( also weird )
Shermaine + michele = Sherchele ( o.o )
Shermaine + ju lyn = Sherlyn ( OMG nice! Its her sister's name anyways..haha:D )
Ju Lyn + michele = Juchele ( ??? )
Ju Lyn + Shermaine = Jumaine ( ... )

Sigh. Iam just being weird I know. Oh . Shermaine taught me how to download MSN plus so now her name comes out in colour 緯 Shermaine instead of this : [c=#FD8ACC]緯,[/c] shermaine, .}
Haha. Cool la:)

Then again, Iam pretty pissed. Sher , Mich and I were due to meet at her( sher's ) house tmr at 9.30 .But due to an unplanned death in one of my relatives home, I have to be there at the cremation :/ Sigh. Sorry guys. Find another time k? Maybe during the June hols yea:)

Today marks the end of our exams which started on the 29th april. With the Amath paper as our last paper, it symbolises our poor understanding and negligence for the subject, in which he majority found a little over their standard. While the others could go back , or in the case of many, out shopping and having fun, the AEP girls had to stay back for a 3 hour drawing and painting paper.

Like once said, its impossible to turn back the clock. Sometimes I wish I'd tried harder for my A math. I wish i'd tried harder for physics, chem, and for lit. Oh how I wish. But No matter how hard I wish, its I cant. I can continue wishing that I'll turn into a fish but is that possible? No. Not in this life anyway. So I cant hope for a retake of my papers. Not like i want to anyway. I just think I lost a great deal of opportunities D;

death, and why we do that..

Its a wonder why life is the way it is. Why its so short, why our actions and our words determine the path we take. Life on Earth is temporary. But then, if it is, what isn't? Its easy to live life with our eyes closed, but then we miss out on the many happenings in the world and before we know it life is over. How I often wonder what happens after death. Do we reincarnate, or do we go to heaven? Do we end up living under the ground, physically, or have our souls already gone elsewhere?
Life is so short. Yet, people want to commit suicide. Why? I don't understand. Being born into this world is a privilege. Yet we don't want to live life to the fullest and instead choose to end it prematurely. Lest you say that it is because of the lack of opportunities in life and the way everyone is treated unfairly, your views will change after you stare death in the eye. For
one to commit suicide, one must have a great deal of courage. I don't have that courage. And I believe that many others don't either. It would be frightening if there were. Many more people would die that way.
What are the odds of people committing suicide then? I cant say for sure. But I do understand why people want to commit suicide, and I think that death isnt a surefire way and easy way of facing the reality of life and its challenges. Love life, work, and even to some extent, school work and exams increase the tension. All these excuses can be solved, not through death, but through methods I perceive to be more appropriate.

' I may never get to see you as often as I like. I may never get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I know, you're the one that I love, and can never let go.'

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to tell you something but I cant. Cos if I do, I'll hurt someone. And I dont want to. Yet to have to bottle up these feelings is really making me restless. Somethings are just too personal to say. I'd like to think that God will always be there to listen.

What did we do when hope was lost?
When when troubles blew like a winter's frost?
Emotions ran deep, like anger and pain
Grief took hold and tears fell like rain.

Days were cold and hearts were hard
Wounds were dealt and souls were marred.
Death follows battle, like night does the day
When all hope was lost in the midst of the fray.

Loved ones are lost, but the battle was won,
Blood was split, so many have gone.

Darkness calls and light ultimately fades
And finally farewell we now bade.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
Naught remains now, humanity not just.

Omg. I love this poem. The rhythm is so nicee.

Its too late to undo the clock. Once Its over, Its over. I dont have high expectations of myself. Because I know that if I do, I wont meet it. Course I wan to. Who doesnt? But I always wonder why certain people are better than others. I dont excel in anything spectacular. But friends around me do, and that makes me feel really insignificant. Kelly excels in Rhythmic Gym. Shibin excels in photography. Ping En excels in drawing. See. I've learnt that no matter what I do, there's always going to be someone who's better than me. And that's a fact. Cest La vie. That's life.

'the world's most backward race of people, and that's a fact. '

Seriously. Whoever reads this, Iam serious ok. I've never passed a SINGLE A math test. If I pass, I'll give you all a treat. Really.

Hang in there! Exams are nearly over! Its just down to 3 papers left! Who will make it toi the finals? Stay tuned to find out!

Someone save me. Someone sasve me from this hell. I cant understand anything. Iam drowning in a pool full of worksheets and paper. Argh. God save me. Please. I beg you.

DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW TO DO :
PHYSICS
CHEMISTRY
AMATH ( THIS IS LIKE THE WORST OF THE WORST OK)
EMATH( MC WILL KILL ME IF I FAIL!!! )

This sucks ok.

Exams
by xx-mcnutty-xx
Heart racing,
Breathing pacing,
Shivering softly,
Someone coughing,
Mind swirling,
Fingers curling,
Start to sweat,
Mind that step,
Things moving,
Head surging,
No don't look,
They'll make you shook
Remember things,
Don't sing,
Get through questions,
Like with sessions,
Be careful but,
You get stuck

I guess evolution’s true.
It started as a pig virus,
but then the swine flew.
Bit pig, bit bird, bit us.
Hybrid, efficient, new.
Call it “pigavian flu,”
sent from me to you.
Obama can’t save us;
no telling it, “sod off.”
It may turn you blue,
and make a sod of you.
The summer has a cough,
no vaccine to turn it off.

1st its Sars, then comes bird flu. Then now Swine flu. Goodness. what next.

swine flu, swine flu, i really LOVE you
you make me sick, so i can miss schoool!
Oh, swine flu, swine flu, i really LOVE YOU!
days gone by, OH MY OH MY!
fevers, runny nose, sweaty palms,
these awful times
call for lovely rhymes
that cheer you up about the SWINNNEE FLU!

Its not that gd yea. I know.


Swine flu, simply came out of the blue.
Just like a sudden rain or a big surprise
Now a lot of people are sick and the numbers rise
Now we have to wash our hands millions of times
and using hand sanitizer is also worth a try
Don't sneeze or cough and stay home if you're sick
Just stay in bed and watch cartoons like when you were a kid.
This time will pass, it's all about protection and safety
positiveness is the key, and so is safety!