I can't say I enjoy it when others know Iam about to go for an exam or a test, and then just before they tell me," You can do it. " Its not that i dont condone their encouragement. I just find the stress increasing because if i don't, I just get this naggin feeling that i've let them down. This makes it harder to think ahead and face my future obstacles. and it makes me wallow in self pity like a pig in mud. But i think if others say," I have all the faith in you, go in and give your best shot." is really more of a prefered statement. If i do a self reflection, i think that what hurts me most is not diong well although you've tried really , and i mean REALLY hard. Let me give you an example. Lit. Apart from being horribly unaware that my style of writing is totally off the mark, I also elaborate too little and the lack of understanding on the story makes the things a whole lot worse.
Writing out my feelings on my O level results in the previous post reanacts the entire scene, and it makes the situation so real i can literally see myself in that toilet, the paper, even the sensation of crying my eyes out. Iam really afraid of disappointing my parents, and if i do badly i'd rather they scold me then let me off.
The embarassement... the fear... the total disregard i have for my studies by blogging right now... the sense of loss... the feelings... the sensation... Surprising how a piece of paper can affect your whole life.. but its not the paper i guess.. its whats written on it..
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