I want to be alone. Alone with company. The right kind of company. And while I'm alone I want a hug. The kind of hug that's tight enough to hold you and shield you from but for which also isn't so quick to push you away.

So far I've been independent enough to live without it after it was given but taken away. But we can't always have whatever we want in life anyway. Oh well. 

Too many things that need sorting out. But should I speak? Or should I remain silent, mute, and just force them from sight, hoping that they'd be another case of 'out of sight, out of mind'? My guess is that the former would be much more appropriate. Much more decent. Much like what I promised. But then again, could it be a mere mishmash of fears mixed with pms that's just dragging my mood down? I don't know. This dragging of mood began yesterday, hit an all-time low, then rebounded back up, before sinking down again. 

It's also like the tear ducts in my eyes won't stop functioning. I don't even know why, nor how to stop it. Last night was hell, and apparently I was voicing all my fears out in my sleep last night. Yes that's marginally frightening but it also speaks volumes about these fears- how much have I been surpressing them that I actually speak these out in my sleep? That's the frightening part. 

But as it is for now, don't look back. I don't, but I'm afraid that I'm not the one regretting. I don't know the answers. And these answers, I will find them out. But wait I don't even know if I should because it could be just me being bloody hell-ass paranoid. As usual. I don't know. I try not to show these fears and so far, it's working. I still sound normal and look normal. 

I rarely do this but, God, please help me. I don't even need to voice my fears to You because at least You can read my mind as it is. Provide me with some sort of guidance so that I might find my way in this vast, dark abyss.