Someone died today. From my existence, I mean. Not a form of physical death.  But it's a form of reconciliation, the closing of this metaphorical coffin lid that connotes, with it, the death of the pain gained from past memories. Perhaps my fear of moving forward too quickly stemmed from my own need to maintain a specific amount of time, even as the pain that I felt faded quite some time back. 

Having been forced by circumstances to do the things I did, I recollect on my actions sometimes. For one thing, there's no use regretting what has happened. Nothing will change those memories made, so therefore, there's no use pining and wishing those memories never occurred. While we can't change that fact, however, what we can do is in fact to learn from those mistakes. And learn not to repeat them in the future. From one, I learnt the value of independence- and from another, the value of trust ( or lack thereof) and self-worth. 

But, like I said, someone died today. Having been out of contact for a long period of time has (hopefully) succeeded in reducing the pain both parties felt initially- at least, it is for me. No more bearing of grudges. Never was there hate. No longer am I bound by this sense of fear, obligation, pity and ill-suited decisions. The surprising beauty of solicited freedom, solitude and peace to do as I please and to spend with that special person in the future.