Childhood, where are you?

I suddenly realised how much I miss my childhood. Back then, when my life was all about adventures- climbing the hotspot mango tree in my neighbourhood, my dad teaching me how to pitch a tent, build a bird cage, construct a catapult and start a fire out of the heat from the sun. When he taught me how to catch spiders from the lily bushes in my garden, taught me how to trap small animals, not for food, but as pets. When I learnt how to ride a bike without training wheels because my dad insisted that learning to ride was a fundamental necessity. When I learnt how to swim ( thank you, Mum). When I learnt the value of resilience after running long distances ( for which my dad forced me to, of course, and for which I kicked and screamed and cried but still accomplished it, anyway.) 

When I look back upon my past, I realise how much I miss those things. And in fact, I wouldn't have had thought about it had I not been casually talking to my friend today about the beauty of nature. That's when it suddenly hit me- I've left my childhood behind. Because I thought they were childish, stupid and immature- back then, I remember being the only ridiculous one in my class who didn't know what the latest Barbie doll was, or the then most-popular Tamagotchi. What I knew, instead, was how to play five stones, marbles and hopscotch. 

Looking back on it now, I must have been really out of place. It's no wonder I still remember one of my classmates ( back then before we learnt what Tact was) telling me, " eh, you stupid ah?" But other than that one, tactless classmate of mine, I wasn't judged- because children at that age barely judge. But I realised that, outside of the classroom, I was a happy kid. I didn't actually care that, while most of classmates had parents who took them to the movies or bought them expensive toys, I was left at home playing with toys which included a mishmash of assorted yoyos, tops, and perhaps, the closest thing I ever got to being feminine was a cloth doll, lots of assorted stuffed animals ( which I still have to this very day, because of the sentimental value they hold) and that I always wore dresses ( even when I climbed trees, yes). 

But I started to hide these things as I got older. After a while, it became embarrassing, even. I'm pretty sure that everyone has gone through the insecure stage in their lives whereby they begin to find out who they really are. And for a while, that was mine. I made a concious effort to hide my past, pretending that I was happy with things that were just not my thing- excessive shopping, movie-watching, spurging of money- and even bugged my parents to get something ' more like what other normal teenagers have'. I began to conceal myself behind a facade, refusing to do what I truly loved because I thought it'd never be 'cool'. 

However, one cannot keep pretending forever. My facade wore off, and with it, the friends that I had made while I was pretending to be like them ( though I had my true friends during that period too, but they were just 1 or 2 of them) and in its place I began to see the true meaning of what I loved- my childhood. Pitching of tents, going for camps, getting in touch with nature and ultimately, with God, even as I'm far from being a regular church-goer. And when I gathered whatever courage to had to remove my facade entirely, I realised that there were lot more true friends who were actually out there, willing to accept me for my oddities and for who I truly am. 

I've missed my childhood for.. close to almost 5 years now. And now that I think about it, I'd wasted a part of my life pretending to be someone I never really was. I'm grateful for my true friends for whom accept me and my strange, weird character as it is. As it is now, I do like going to the movies. I do like shopping. I do like going out. But I also like nature. And I don't do these things because I'm pretending I like them. I'm not afraid to say it now. Because I'm tired of pretending. I'm extremely appreciative to my friends. And also, Thank you Mum, thank you Dad. I'm wanting my childhood back.