Had a strangely realistic dream yesterday night. It comprised of all those people whom I miss most, and for some reason or another I woke up, in a state of shock, and in .
Sometimes I wonder why these dreams do happen, and if someone is really trying to tell us something. I mean, all those people I miss, people I only see once in my life, appear as if an apparition.
Another thing is, my cousin is annoyed at me cos I don't go to church. I mean okay okay, Iam sorry, I dont even know why Iam saying sorry, but I am, and I know she's annoyed because of the silly reasons as to why I cannot go to church. And because of this, I cant call myself a Christian, although I believe in God.
But I've given her my reasons, and she tells me that I cannot use it as a crutch. I wonder if He knows how Iam feeling.
I've wondered what its like to be in His presence, where heaven reigns. From young, I've always envisioned Heaven to be a place of fluffy white clouds and candy and people of a kind nature. But I dont dream like that anymore. And Iam locked up in a race of people who nag, nag and nag at me. They tell me to work hard, to do my best, so I can study law like I always wanted to.
I ALREADY KNOW THAT!
I ALREADY KNOW THAT!
Is it enough to let you know how much I already know that? I don know how much more I can tell you. I know my O levels are next year. I know I have to work hard! I know that my future depends on this exam that results lie in the hands of our loving father! I KNOW! PLEASE! Spare me! Holidays are more stressful than school life now really, and the slightest thing can get me frustrated and annoyed. Temper rising, head shaking, nausea quelling, please please please, spare me all that nagging I know.
Sometimes I look up at the clouds above and wish for the times that had past, where Heaven was a cloudy land of candies.
~ Iamcryingmyheartoutnow~
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