I'm lucky.
Perhaps lucky doesn't even encapsulate all I feel about this, but yes, let's add the premodifier of 'immensely' to that, shall we? I'm immensely lucky.
Linguistic jargon aside, I'm actually living a life I've always wanted right now. If it wasn't for As, all the cramming and my upcoming exams, I'd easily say that this is the happiest time of my life- the ability to do as I wish without fearing that I'd upset the other party, the quiet happiness of all that's happening, and the random times of the day I'd look up and smile at my phone. All that, and perhaps throw it a couple of nature walks, lying on a wide expanse of grass with the gentle caress of the cool wind, the late night talks and the reluctance of pressing the 'end call' button- you get the idea.
Matter of fact is, I'm looking back at the life I've led so far as a series of events, like pages out of a school's annual year book- except that they don't only feature the happy memories. And I'm still writing in the book till this very day. And while I used to fill those earlier pages with melancholic, idle and even depressing memories, I'm realising that I've been filling these pages with idle, happy memories more often- idle no doubt, but happy, soothing memories instead.
It's this ability to fill my past few pages with happy blissful, more cheerful memories that make me reflect and say that I'm lucky. I've never felt this peaceful, never felt this sense of bliss and never felt this sense of calm in the past. Sure, there'd be days of turmoil, but ultimately, hey, I'm happy. I'm peaceful, and I may not show it, but I'm consumed with euphoria over how everything's turning out smoothly.
It's something I've never bargained for, but for which I attained, anyway. And it's this sense of peace, and overall happiness that's keeping me sane, because this is exactly what I've always been searching for- the serenity, dream-like, almost hypnotic state of affairs because I'm finally at peace with everything that's happening. Peace with an overdose of happiness. Never have I ever experienced something like this, and never have I wanted so badly to retain it, hold onto it and keep it always at the forefront of my actions. And at the end of the day, I want to know that I have it, and that I'll keep it, lock it up and never let it go. And perhaps I also attribute my mindset and my ideologies to it, because its due to this that I constantly want to better myself, to make sure I don't act irrationally or act stupidly, because no one else can change the way I look at things, and neither can they coerce me into changing. Only I can, and I will do the necessary.
Because this is what I live for. This is my goal, my motivation, and my starting.
This is my treasure, and I've found it, and I will 'defend to the death' (Voltaire) this treasure.
And this, is why I say I'm lucky.
Perhaps lucky doesn't even encapsulate all I feel about this, but yes, let's add the premodifier of 'immensely' to that, shall we? I'm immensely lucky.
Linguistic jargon aside, I'm actually living a life I've always wanted right now. If it wasn't for As, all the cramming and my upcoming exams, I'd easily say that this is the happiest time of my life- the ability to do as I wish without fearing that I'd upset the other party, the quiet happiness of all that's happening, and the random times of the day I'd look up and smile at my phone. All that, and perhaps throw it a couple of nature walks, lying on a wide expanse of grass with the gentle caress of the cool wind, the late night talks and the reluctance of pressing the 'end call' button- you get the idea.
Matter of fact is, I'm looking back at the life I've led so far as a series of events, like pages out of a school's annual year book- except that they don't only feature the happy memories. And I'm still writing in the book till this very day. And while I used to fill those earlier pages with melancholic, idle and even depressing memories, I'm realising that I've been filling these pages with idle, happy memories more often- idle no doubt, but happy, soothing memories instead.
It's this ability to fill my past few pages with happy blissful, more cheerful memories that make me reflect and say that I'm lucky. I've never felt this peaceful, never felt this sense of bliss and never felt this sense of calm in the past. Sure, there'd be days of turmoil, but ultimately, hey, I'm happy. I'm peaceful, and I may not show it, but I'm consumed with euphoria over how everything's turning out smoothly.
It's something I've never bargained for, but for which I attained, anyway. And it's this sense of peace, and overall happiness that's keeping me sane, because this is exactly what I've always been searching for- the serenity, dream-like, almost hypnotic state of affairs because I'm finally at peace with everything that's happening. Peace with an overdose of happiness. Never have I ever experienced something like this, and never have I wanted so badly to retain it, hold onto it and keep it always at the forefront of my actions. And at the end of the day, I want to know that I have it, and that I'll keep it, lock it up and never let it go. And perhaps I also attribute my mindset and my ideologies to it, because its due to this that I constantly want to better myself, to make sure I don't act irrationally or act stupidly, because no one else can change the way I look at things, and neither can they coerce me into changing. Only I can, and I will do the necessary.
Because this is what I live for. This is my goal, my motivation, and my starting.
This is my treasure, and I've found it, and I will 'defend to the death' (Voltaire) this treasure.
And this, is why I say I'm lucky.
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