Miss.

It's past 12 am. Again. 

This feels reminiscent of JC, very much so. I remember the days when I stayed up just trying to memorise facts on the different erosional processes the rivers, or the different cohesive devices used in texts, or the different integration/differentiation formulas. 

I'm not even learning half of all those things now, but here I am, staying up to complete a presentation that's not even due till next week. That presentation is an odd one, it's on Chaucer's Miller's Tale and the General Prologue, for which it involves deciphering bad pick up lines and honest-to-God bad pick up attempts (I'm being very diplomatic here) on a woman. Which happily ends with the lover being stubbed with a hot poker on his butt. A really interesting story, but one that's also hard to analyse right now. Which explains why, again, I am awake past 12 in the morning. 

I haven't even slept properly in days. The past few days, even on days where I have to wake up at 5.45am in the morning to embark on my 2 hour pilgrimage to school, I've been sleeping past 12 am. And then of course, I wake up in the morning cursing myself for having done such a stupid thing ie. staying up past 12 am the night before. Sometimes I fear if this is going to be my life for the next 4 years. I guess it is. But then again, I guess that's what you get for growing up- not that we have any choice, of course. And this is an odd vibe but I miss working amongst guys back in my office. Where there was less drama (save for one person), and I was a lot, I don't know, carefree? Yeah. I like this place and the people and all- I can get along with them ( I just hung out with my friend after school today and we had a real heart to heart chat about guys over Sogurt). It's just that, in a way, I miss the past. As I always do. 

Speaking of work however, I just realised that soon, I'll have nothing left to go back for. The people at work, at least those whom I know, are quitting soon, and they're gradually replaced with newer (could I also say more inefficient?) staff. I recently headed back to work for lunch with my co-workers before they all leave the workplace (since we're all temp staff anyway) when I finally found a free slot in my timetable for one last lunch with them. Nigel is quitting this Friday, and Daniel will be leaving within the next 2 weeks of September as well. There'll be no one left for me to return to anymore. Both of them are about to start new phases of life as well- Nigel as he enlists, and Daniel as he begins his 2nd year at Uni. And in time, that place will exist as a fond memory- nothing more. It's sad. 

Then there's Chu. He's busy in camp as well, and as always, the pain of seeing him book in every weekend is something I'm used to by now. I can't help it. And as our conversations grow quieter, again, I look back on the past and think, why can't it be like how it was when we first got together? Then I remember that in every relationship, there'll always be a settling down. This is mine, I guess. Or perhaps I've already settled down, gotten used to this routine of Chu-army, Ju-Uni routine. And routines are constant, and I like that. I'm familiar with it. 

This has been a rather long blog post for one done at 12.33am in the morning. My paper has remained blank save for the title. The poem I'm reading is long and intimidating. But I don't have a choice, do I? 

I don't. I have to move on. I have to put my sad, soulful sentiments (woohoo alliteration) behind and move on. I don't know why I'm finding it so hard, but somehow or other, I will manage. I will survive. I will make it. Somehow.