Conclusion.

You know, I never actually thought that you were a bad person. I searched for your rationale behind your motives, I actually believed in seeking the good in everyone. But there was something blatant about yours, about the way you handled the situation, about the way you spoke that evoked a backlash. Perhaps you never intended it, or perhaps even if you did intend it, that you'd never intended to carry it out. I don't know, and I won't know at all right now. A part of me longs to find out, to mend the sour ties that we ended things on. I hated the way we ended things, but I had no choice, and I don't regret it, because I was left ( or rather, you left me) with no other option. It must have been a case of extreme deja vu for you, having seen it happen once before and now again. 

But a part of me ( a more rational, perhaps) side of me knows that to venture into such areas would be to open a can of worms. You could say that I'm happy with the status quo- that we refrain from contact, that we acknowledge that each exists but speak no further on the topic- it has given me much peace and much freedom in the past few weeks. But you could also say that the happiness is diluted, diluted by the tinge of sadness that rears it's head every now and again when your name pops up on Facebook, on Twitter or on Instagram. The sadness that speaks, "we needn't have ended it this way, but I had no choice." The sadness upon realising that we started off so well, versus the situation we both are in currently. I hate losing friendships, I really do. Sometimes I wish we hadn't. But at other times I think that cutting off ties was the best way to prove my resolution and my limit. 

This isn't a note of apology. Neither am I asking you to begin your contact with me again. For the better, rather than worse, and despite the tinges of sadness, it's best to keep things as they are right now. I don't know how you may feel upon reading this (if you ever do read it). I don't even know what you may think of me now. You never struck me as overly reflective, anyway. And I'd rather not know, in any case. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. 

In any case, you're enlisting soon. I hope that matures you and turns you into a better person, from the one I currently know, because, despite having 2 extremely similar incidents, you may/may not have learnt your lesson. All the best. You'll need it, and cheers.