Each time I come here, it's always a gamble as to how much emotion I can actually reveal. After all, this is public, and sometimes I worry that what I reveal may show others more than what I should. Often enough, what eventually ends up being posted is a fraction of what I originally wanted to say. But then again, isn't that how the online world works? You put something up, only hoping that nothing will in fact be used against you.
I'm going to take the leap here then, and hope that this gamble I'm taking will turn out right. For a start, I'm extremely relunctant to stop working. Honestly. Not because I love work so much, but more like, it's anything better than studying. For now. I know what everyone usually says about work, that once work begins, you will long for school. I don't deny that, because I will probably say the same once I've had 20 years or so of working experience up my sleeve, but that's an emotion I'm not feeling now. I like the catharsis the work environment provides, and it's something I don't get often. My colleagues (the perm staff, mainly) at the workplace say I'm hyper, that I'm extremely sociable, and sometimes their words strike as ironic because that's exactly how I don't act in school. Ask anyone you know from my course and you'll see. I'm a very different person when semester begins.
Speaking of semester, that's something that I'm also dreading. This semester will bring forth a whole new method of conducting lessons, and that's through seminars. No more tutorials (like, what?! ). I'm not sure how 70 odd people in a class will help my shy self, especially since I tend to clam up (yeah, I know, public speaking training gone down the drain, supposedly) when there are large crowds, especially where everyone is scrutinising my opinion. Then again, perhaps not all of lit is like that, it just so happened that my course mates last sem were, well, rather competitive. I didn't like that much, because that gave me a whole load of stress. I fear how I'm going to cope, really.
I'm sort of living in a trance as it is. A very dream-scape setting, where I'm working and then all of a sudden, there's school. Sometimes I think the juxtaposition is too great, on other times I think it compliments, in all the oddest ways. Like the temp staff who work with me, for example. They're studying too, and they seem to flow easily between the working world and school. I'm still stumbling around trying to find my way. Maybe its because I tend to be overly resistant to change. Resistant to the thought of changing environments so quickly, growing close to a group of people then having to suddenly tear yourselves away from them for another different group, and all over again. Maybe that's the reason why I went back to work with NTUC to begin with, because I was resistant to the idea of finding another, unfamiliar working environment and having to start all over again. I was clinging to the thought of having just one familiar face at the workplace but it turns out that I made a whole bunch of new friends, friends that I *hope* remain. I really hope they do. If I could make a whole bunch of new friends, what's stopping me from shifting to another work environment? That's a question I'm still trying to answer. Perhaps it all comes back to the fact that, at the end of the day, I'm stumbling, while others are more sure-footed and have already found their way.
I guess to end off, here's a picture of the temp staff and I, taken on the last day I'd meet the guy on the far left, Jun Hao. I guess I'll miss them, but I'll probably not miss them as much as I'll miss the department I've been working with. Which is quite strange seeing as how I should, technically, be closer to people my age.
And this last photo is of my Team Leader and I this year, 2014. Probably the one I'm closest to in the entire department, but I can say the entire department is pretty nice to me on the whole (:
And this concludes my post, hopefully I sounded a little happier towards the end. I tend to sound extremely sad in my posts but that's when I'm usually reflective so yeah.
I'm going to take the leap here then, and hope that this gamble I'm taking will turn out right. For a start, I'm extremely relunctant to stop working. Honestly. Not because I love work so much, but more like, it's anything better than studying. For now. I know what everyone usually says about work, that once work begins, you will long for school. I don't deny that, because I will probably say the same once I've had 20 years or so of working experience up my sleeve, but that's an emotion I'm not feeling now. I like the catharsis the work environment provides, and it's something I don't get often. My colleagues (the perm staff, mainly) at the workplace say I'm hyper, that I'm extremely sociable, and sometimes their words strike as ironic because that's exactly how I don't act in school. Ask anyone you know from my course and you'll see. I'm a very different person when semester begins.
Speaking of semester, that's something that I'm also dreading. This semester will bring forth a whole new method of conducting lessons, and that's through seminars. No more tutorials (like, what?! ). I'm not sure how 70 odd people in a class will help my shy self, especially since I tend to clam up (yeah, I know, public speaking training gone down the drain, supposedly) when there are large crowds, especially where everyone is scrutinising my opinion. Then again, perhaps not all of lit is like that, it just so happened that my course mates last sem were, well, rather competitive. I didn't like that much, because that gave me a whole load of stress. I fear how I'm going to cope, really.
I'm sort of living in a trance as it is. A very dream-scape setting, where I'm working and then all of a sudden, there's school. Sometimes I think the juxtaposition is too great, on other times I think it compliments, in all the oddest ways. Like the temp staff who work with me, for example. They're studying too, and they seem to flow easily between the working world and school. I'm still stumbling around trying to find my way. Maybe its because I tend to be overly resistant to change. Resistant to the thought of changing environments so quickly, growing close to a group of people then having to suddenly tear yourselves away from them for another different group, and all over again. Maybe that's the reason why I went back to work with NTUC to begin with, because I was resistant to the idea of finding another, unfamiliar working environment and having to start all over again. I was clinging to the thought of having just one familiar face at the workplace but it turns out that I made a whole bunch of new friends, friends that I *hope* remain. I really hope they do. If I could make a whole bunch of new friends, what's stopping me from shifting to another work environment? That's a question I'm still trying to answer. Perhaps it all comes back to the fact that, at the end of the day, I'm stumbling, while others are more sure-footed and have already found their way.
I guess to end off, here's a picture of the temp staff and I, taken on the last day I'd meet the guy on the far left, Jun Hao. I guess I'll miss them, but I'll probably not miss them as much as I'll miss the department I've been working with. Which is quite strange seeing as how I should, technically, be closer to people my age.
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| Temp staff of this year, 2014 |
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| And... one year ago, on my birthday where the temp staff who worked with NTUC then celebrated my birthday with me. |
And this last photo is of my Team Leader and I this year, 2014. Probably the one I'm closest to in the entire department, but I can say the entire department is pretty nice to me on the whole (:
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| My TL and I, on our birthdays this year (Yes we share the same birth date! ) |
And this concludes my post, hopefully I sounded a little happier towards the end. I tend to sound extremely sad in my posts but that's when I'm usually reflective so yeah.
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