" The fact that you're here with us today means that the professors who have interviewed you have found something special, something outstanding about your thinking, and that your opinion is indeed of quality. They want to hear from you. " - Priscilla, 1st day of Year 1, Sem 1, 5th August 2013.

Fast forward a few months later, and I honestly can't help doubting her words. What is so valuable about me, and what quality can I offer the class? Am I even good enough to mildy be able to contribute anything of some worth to the class? The encouragement is wearing off. Maybe it's because I'm just particularly pensive tonight, but sometimes I feel that I'm just.. not good enough. I'm not good enough for my friends, that they're all above me, and that I'm of no fight. Sometimes I try to psych myself into thinking otherwise, because I know that when you tell people you're of no standard long enough, one day they will believe it.

I'm worried that some people are actually believing it now. That I'm not good enough. That's I'm of no standard. Nothing to them. No fight. But why? Can I actually do it? Are my thoughts actually worthy? Why do I feel so superficial compared to them, or am I just criticising myself too harshly?
I keep thinking, I can't, I just can't. Sometimes the feeling is so great it actually crushes me under its weight. I don't even want to fight it, but I have no choice. I have to, I need to , prove to myself that I can do it, that I'm not stupid. Prove it to myself, maybe, then others will begin to realise that as well.

But I'm not brilliant. Or am I just refusing to see it? I don't know.
I don't have any answers.
Only the one answer that Priscilla gave on the first day.