I'm moody, I'm sick and I'm tired of 1Sir's schedule. The stress is endless for me on the inside but even more for him on the inside. But I don't ever realise that do I, because all I'm going about is how he's supposed to take care of me even though I'm a civilian and I'm supposed to lead and run my own life.
I need to learn to man up. Stop wanting attention and focus on giving attention to him because he actually needs it. Not you. You're outside, you lead a job which, fine, stresses you to death but isn't as bad as his. Stop crying like a baby each time you argue, because really, there's nothing to be sad about. I know it.

You need to stop trying to prove that you're worse of, that my injuries are worse, that I'm more tired, more annoyed, more sick than him all in the name of attention. He's trying to show you attention, isn't he, and for some weird reason Ju, you don't realise it.

" ehhh make sure you eat ah, or else I'll bus over to your house with food for you! "
" you need to sleep more:) "
" please take care dear:( "
" remember, if you have to choose between your book out and getting an injury, I'd rather you stay safe and not get your book out. Because safety comes first, okay? "
" I want to be the least of your worries in NS. Worry about other things first, than me, ok? "
That was everything I said to him before he enlisted.
4 months later, I don't even know if I can say the same things to him without feeling a tinge of jealousy, a tinge of sadness, or a tinge of anger. And I don't even know why. Maybe it's because I need insane amounts of attention which he schedule limits him from giving. Which also means, why in the world, Ju, do you need so much attention? Stop asking for it, start giving it, because that's what you promise chu. Sometimes I don't know anymore. Am I asking for too much? Because I know myself - I've rarely asked for anything. Maybe this lack of asking someone directly for something is manifesting in some obscure fashion unknown to me just yet. Or maybe because I know that he knows me well enough that he'll give the attention himself even without an outright request. I'm confused.

I miss him. And he has a field camp this week, to further add insult to injury.
Then again, I've been in some terribly humour because hormones dictate that I will now suffer from pms. But that's a lame excuse, really.