I haven't written anything for a really long time. Not because I don't have anything to write, but because I've got no time left. From having the whole day free, to holding a 8-5 is exhausting. Which should explain the lack of blog posts.
So, first and foremost, my job. I haven't quit the kindergarten, and it's almost been a month since I've started working there. I don't dread it as much, possibly because I've made good friends with the other teachers there, and now that there's a specific curriculum to follow/ timetable, life is becoming slightly, just slightly easier. Under the guidance of one of the teachers, I'm slowly picking up the skills needed to run a proper class, be it class management, assessment of the kids or simply bonding with them. It takes a lot more effort than I realise, and honestly, I respect full-time kindergarten teachers. Their job isn't easy, and the younger the child the more difficult to teach.
Case in point, the class I was teaching the other day. It's difficult to get 6 children to listen to you let alone a whole class of 14, all jumping and screaming. It's a wonder that I haven't fully lost my temper at them yet, because I remember that I confiscated this boy's toy train which he brought to school because he was playing with it in class. Of course that boy starting crying. Wailing, in fact. But for once I didn't give in and left the child alone. And for once, he kept quiet for the rest of the class. Then there are other children who don't know how to use the toilet properly, don't know how to wear their shoes, bags and etc... after a while it becomes something I'm almost immune to because I've got no way else to survive.
Some days I'm so frustrated that I don't even feel like getting out of bed. Some nights I end up going to bed dreading the next day. But I guess that it's part of life, part of work, and it's something I have got to get used to, whether I like it or not.
Then there's my life outside the kindergarten. Or what's left of it, that is. All my friends are working, as far as I know, and we're all busy in some way or another. And my life as an NSF's girlfriend. All these different identities, and sometimes I don't even know how, why or if they merge, or if they should. I'm not going to deny that Chu's crazy AIT schedule is stressing me (and just as I write this, I remember that he'll be away for 7 days next week...) but I'm going to stay with him no matter what. Because he's the only one who understands me this way, past and present. Then there's my A level results. One more month, and... justice will be done, hopefully. So many things, so little time, and somehow or other I'm supposed to live through it, because I can't even request to fall out of life.
I'm stressed, I know, and I admit. I'm taking on 2 jobs and nearly took on a 3rd if Chu hadn't scolded me and told me to watch out or I'll exhaust myself. To Chu, I say, thanks for dealing with all my crap. I'm stressed as heck, and honestly, only you knew it and it seemed like only you cared. So thanks for always making sure I'm alright and caring for me, even if you can't be physically around for me all the time. As for me, just remember that I'm not leaving you, okay? Be at peace:)
My job, my boyfriend, my results, my life. Somehow or other, I'm supposed to reconcile all these and make sure I don't lose any of them. I don't really feel like I'm ready for Uni, and ready to grow up. I'm 19 this year, but I feel so awkwardly out of place as an adult. I'm uncertain and I'm unsure, but I guess I've proven to myself that I can be strong when being strong is the only option left. I just need to find that strength again. Maybe in God, even, or rather, to begin with.
Speaking of which, I've got church tomorrow, so I better call it a night.
So, first and foremost, my job. I haven't quit the kindergarten, and it's almost been a month since I've started working there. I don't dread it as much, possibly because I've made good friends with the other teachers there, and now that there's a specific curriculum to follow/ timetable, life is becoming slightly, just slightly easier. Under the guidance of one of the teachers, I'm slowly picking up the skills needed to run a proper class, be it class management, assessment of the kids or simply bonding with them. It takes a lot more effort than I realise, and honestly, I respect full-time kindergarten teachers. Their job isn't easy, and the younger the child the more difficult to teach.
Case in point, the class I was teaching the other day. It's difficult to get 6 children to listen to you let alone a whole class of 14, all jumping and screaming. It's a wonder that I haven't fully lost my temper at them yet, because I remember that I confiscated this boy's toy train which he brought to school because he was playing with it in class. Of course that boy starting crying. Wailing, in fact. But for once I didn't give in and left the child alone. And for once, he kept quiet for the rest of the class. Then there are other children who don't know how to use the toilet properly, don't know how to wear their shoes, bags and etc... after a while it becomes something I'm almost immune to because I've got no way else to survive.
Some days I'm so frustrated that I don't even feel like getting out of bed. Some nights I end up going to bed dreading the next day. But I guess that it's part of life, part of work, and it's something I have got to get used to, whether I like it or not.
Then there's my life outside the kindergarten. Or what's left of it, that is. All my friends are working, as far as I know, and we're all busy in some way or another. And my life as an NSF's girlfriend. All these different identities, and sometimes I don't even know how, why or if they merge, or if they should. I'm not going to deny that Chu's crazy AIT schedule is stressing me (and just as I write this, I remember that he'll be away for 7 days next week...) but I'm going to stay with him no matter what. Because he's the only one who understands me this way, past and present. Then there's my A level results. One more month, and... justice will be done, hopefully. So many things, so little time, and somehow or other I'm supposed to live through it, because I can't even request to fall out of life.
I'm stressed, I know, and I admit. I'm taking on 2 jobs and nearly took on a 3rd if Chu hadn't scolded me and told me to watch out or I'll exhaust myself. To Chu, I say, thanks for dealing with all my crap. I'm stressed as heck, and honestly, only you knew it and it seemed like only you cared. So thanks for always making sure I'm alright and caring for me, even if you can't be physically around for me all the time. As for me, just remember that I'm not leaving you, okay? Be at peace:)
My job, my boyfriend, my results, my life. Somehow or other, I'm supposed to reconcile all these and make sure I don't lose any of them. I don't really feel like I'm ready for Uni, and ready to grow up. I'm 19 this year, but I feel so awkwardly out of place as an adult. I'm uncertain and I'm unsure, but I guess I've proven to myself that I can be strong when being strong is the only option left. I just need to find that strength again. Maybe in God, even, or rather, to begin with.
Speaking of which, I've got church tomorrow, so I better call it a night.
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