It's the elephant in the room that I haven't addressed for a long time.

I think it's been 2 years, yet I still feel so awkward. So odd. So... judged. And sometimes its painful and its tiring to have to search for topics to talk about. But what can I do? I hate feeling like I'm any less well-liked. And in fact, my boyfriend is just about as well liked as me.
But why in the world do I feel so empty even when I'm laughing and being happy? Somehow beneath all that laughter there's still this emptiness that this happiness cannot penetrate, and thus, cannot fill.
I don't know what's up.