So it's been about a month since I started work at my old place, the finance department at NTUC. It took me a while, okay, perhaps more than a while, but I'm finally starting to get the hang of work again. It was not without trepidation that I first applied for the job which I quit last year when uni started, because being back in the place where I had so many good (and equally as bad) memories, the nostalgia might be too overwhelming.
And it was. In the first few days, there were unsettling, disturbing levels of loneliness and unhappiness. I resented the place for the memories it contained and I refused to let the past memories be replaced with anything new. To me, that place was where I met one of my best guy friends, where I went through the worst (and hopefully the last) experience between work colleagues. It didn't matter to me if my new colleagues were trying to be friendly or not- I blocked them out with sad smiles and spoke as little to them as I could.
However, I guess things did take a turn for the better. It took a lot of effort, but I finally let myself open up and be open to the fact that there are new colleagues here who might potentially be good friends as well. I tried to stop being a sad, moody girl and eventually tried to laugh and even joke with my colleagues and supervisor and it worked. They opened up to me as well. Where they weren't overly friendly, at least now they smile around me a lot more. I'm starting to be included in their jokes and strangely enough, this makes my working experience a whole lot better. Even my supervisor is opening up, and in doing so, I guess it warms me up and gives me a sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, I'd eventually let the memories of these wonderful people live alongside last year's, with Zul, Nigel, Daniel and Raj. Add that to the fact that Daniel came back to work too, though under a different department, but I now at least have someone my age.
But it's not all that happy though. Sometimes, I'm still a little sad by the language barrier. My Chinese is of subpar standard, and sometimes I find it hard to communicate with them because of it. I must learn how to speak slower, especially when I get excited. I have a feeling that I was probably flawing my supervisor with my words this afternoon when I sat with him for lunch. Maybe I really shouldn't have done that. Another thing- I'd give the age gap between my colleagues and I about 8-11 years difference, maybe. Which technically isn't a lot, in my opinion. But when they talk to me, sometimes I seem to sense some forms of distancing, perhaps because of my age, and perhaps because they think I'm too young. I'm the temp staff after all, so I can't blame them, but I wished that they'd treat me as their equal. Rather than, as my supervisor said today (hence this sad musing), " In my time..." to which I thought, "in your time? I'm not that young.. :( " but I didn't mention this, of course. Things like that help me remember that as much as I want to be friends with them, I will never succeed if all they see me as is a temp staff, a young girl, a uni student, rather than as their equal.
I guess there are always going to be pros and cons to working in such an environment. I've only been in there for 3 months, so maybe my opinions will change by the time I resign. Perhaps.Cest la vie.
And it was. In the first few days, there were unsettling, disturbing levels of loneliness and unhappiness. I resented the place for the memories it contained and I refused to let the past memories be replaced with anything new. To me, that place was where I met one of my best guy friends, where I went through the worst (and hopefully the last) experience between work colleagues. It didn't matter to me if my new colleagues were trying to be friendly or not- I blocked them out with sad smiles and spoke as little to them as I could.
However, I guess things did take a turn for the better. It took a lot of effort, but I finally let myself open up and be open to the fact that there are new colleagues here who might potentially be good friends as well. I tried to stop being a sad, moody girl and eventually tried to laugh and even joke with my colleagues and supervisor and it worked. They opened up to me as well. Where they weren't overly friendly, at least now they smile around me a lot more. I'm starting to be included in their jokes and strangely enough, this makes my working experience a whole lot better. Even my supervisor is opening up, and in doing so, I guess it warms me up and gives me a sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, I'd eventually let the memories of these wonderful people live alongside last year's, with Zul, Nigel, Daniel and Raj. Add that to the fact that Daniel came back to work too, though under a different department, but I now at least have someone my age.
But it's not all that happy though. Sometimes, I'm still a little sad by the language barrier. My Chinese is of subpar standard, and sometimes I find it hard to communicate with them because of it. I must learn how to speak slower, especially when I get excited. I have a feeling that I was probably flawing my supervisor with my words this afternoon when I sat with him for lunch. Maybe I really shouldn't have done that. Another thing- I'd give the age gap between my colleagues and I about 8-11 years difference, maybe. Which technically isn't a lot, in my opinion. But when they talk to me, sometimes I seem to sense some forms of distancing, perhaps because of my age, and perhaps because they think I'm too young. I'm the temp staff after all, so I can't blame them, but I wished that they'd treat me as their equal. Rather than, as my supervisor said today (hence this sad musing), " In my time..." to which I thought, "in your time? I'm not that young.. :( " but I didn't mention this, of course. Things like that help me remember that as much as I want to be friends with them, I will never succeed if all they see me as is a temp staff, a young girl, a uni student, rather than as their equal.
I guess there are always going to be pros and cons to working in such an environment. I've only been in there for 3 months, so maybe my opinions will change by the time I resign. Perhaps.Cest la vie.
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