So much frustration. So much of this stress.
It's times like this, when I'm juggling 2 1500 word thesis papers, 1 draft, 2 tutorials and umpteen number of readings that I really miss the days before uni. The times I worked, where I could just end work and completely stone.. until work began again the next morning. Even today, sometimes when I close my eyes and let my mind wander, my mind inevitably drifts back to the happier times of this year- the kindergarten, my work place (especially the canteen where we ate), going out with Chu and just doing the most random of things. Back then when I had so much time that we literally ran out of places to visit on weekends.
It's times like this when I realise I haven't kept in touch with a lot of people for a very long time. The number of unanswered Whatsapp messages, texts, tweets, Facebook messages, comments, friend requests I've ignored or postponed looking at simply because I'm just too tired. Or maybe it's because I'm just not making enough time for these people. Because everyone is so busy with their life anyway...
Or am I just making excuses? The number of people I keep in touch with nowadays I can literally count on 1 hand. And even then, sometimes there are long, wide gaps in between conversations. Don't get me wrong; I love all these people. It's just that sometimes... I feel this innate inability to reply them because sometimes I can offer no words of comfort, when needed. If anything, I'm just a burden.
Or I could be overthinking a little. Maybe it's just this adjusting.. but what adjustment am I talking about? It's almost been a semester. I've never taken so long to adapt to something before... no, it can't be. But what happened to the time? What happened to the time that used to stare back in my face like a reflection in a puddle of water, just waiting for me to make use of it, and for which I frittered away? It's like a never ending race; this time that used to gaze back at me so willingly from that puddle of water is gone. And I have to search for it. But I can't find it.
And everything keeps moving on. There's no stoppage, no ' I will wait for you' in the grand scheme of things. Our life carries on, regardless of stress, of work, of the numerous thesis papers I have to do. And sooner of later, everything will come to pass, but till then, I will push on.
I'll end off with a Shakespearean sonnet- one that I'm currently analyzing right now for my thesis. If you can't tell what it means, it basically summarises this soporific, melancholic, rather depressing post tonight. It's about the irony of time- we need it, yet we detest it.
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crown'd,
Crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope my verse shall stand,
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.
Shakespeare, Sonnet 60.
It's times like this, when I'm juggling 2 1500 word thesis papers, 1 draft, 2 tutorials and umpteen number of readings that I really miss the days before uni. The times I worked, where I could just end work and completely stone.. until work began again the next morning. Even today, sometimes when I close my eyes and let my mind wander, my mind inevitably drifts back to the happier times of this year- the kindergarten, my work place (especially the canteen where we ate), going out with Chu and just doing the most random of things. Back then when I had so much time that we literally ran out of places to visit on weekends.
It's times like this when I realise I haven't kept in touch with a lot of people for a very long time. The number of unanswered Whatsapp messages, texts, tweets, Facebook messages, comments, friend requests I've ignored or postponed looking at simply because I'm just too tired. Or maybe it's because I'm just not making enough time for these people. Because everyone is so busy with their life anyway...
Or am I just making excuses? The number of people I keep in touch with nowadays I can literally count on 1 hand. And even then, sometimes there are long, wide gaps in between conversations. Don't get me wrong; I love all these people. It's just that sometimes... I feel this innate inability to reply them because sometimes I can offer no words of comfort, when needed. If anything, I'm just a burden.
Or I could be overthinking a little. Maybe it's just this adjusting.. but what adjustment am I talking about? It's almost been a semester. I've never taken so long to adapt to something before... no, it can't be. But what happened to the time? What happened to the time that used to stare back in my face like a reflection in a puddle of water, just waiting for me to make use of it, and for which I frittered away? It's like a never ending race; this time that used to gaze back at me so willingly from that puddle of water is gone. And I have to search for it. But I can't find it.
And everything keeps moving on. There's no stoppage, no ' I will wait for you' in the grand scheme of things. Our life carries on, regardless of stress, of work, of the numerous thesis papers I have to do. And sooner of later, everything will come to pass, but till then, I will push on.
I'll end off with a Shakespearean sonnet- one that I'm currently analyzing right now for my thesis. If you can't tell what it means, it basically summarises this soporific, melancholic, rather depressing post tonight. It's about the irony of time- we need it, yet we detest it.
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crown'd,
Crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope my verse shall stand,
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.
Shakespeare, Sonnet 60.
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