I love it, and I hate it. And the reasons why I love it are the exact same reasons why I hate it. I never thought it was possible, but for the first time ever, I'm feeling myself trapped in a situation where I don't have a choice.
I was told that I was overly friendly, and sometimes yes, I admit to that statement. But other times I remain adamant because I know I do not do so on purpose.
Is it my fault then? I don't think so. I don't have control over what happens, more so over how they feel. Yet why do I feel this sense of heaviness? Like something out there is pinning the blame on me and that I'm unwilling to fight back? What frightens me most is if I actually am happy with it, because knowing as such is a immense morale booster. It's wrong, and I know it, and I need another confidence booster. Or better still, the day I don't need a booster at all.
But what if this all isn't? What if I was over thinking ;What if I'm not even pin pointing the problem; what if I don't understand myself at all? This is an issue which , I'm sure, I wouldn't be facing only now. This will be an issue in uni, and as I see it, for the rest of my life.
The thought is morbidly disturbing.
I blog as a form of catharsis, so I'm not usually that emo a person. I just rarely post happy events.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
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