The calm after a storm.

1st day. 

And I already feel empty. Like a sick, empty sensation that strikes at the base of the stomach which winds its way up to the throat. 

This is vaguely nostalgic because I remember feeling the same form of 'You-need-to-be-strong-now' mentality when I first broke up. The sickening form of sadness that gives that terribly empty feeling. Thing is, this time, it's not the same case. Obviously. He's just gone in, and he wants to see you as much as you do. There's nothing about a broken heart, and there's nothing about a loss of love. In fact, if anything, love is something that's becoming more and more strongly rekindled as we treasure the time we have with each other more. 

It's a stark contrast, a jarring, painful one because after all those days of seeing each other, suddenly he's taken away from me. At least I can say that I'm adapting quickly to this new change. Yes, I cried my eyes out last night (and a little of today) fearing the worst- that he'd have platoon mates that would hate him, that he wouldn't be able to fit in and worse still, that he will get injured. But perhaps the one thing that hurt me most was not being able to talk to him as and when I wished (as selfish as it sounds.) 

I haven't felt something like that in such a long time. Or actually, I've never felt something like that before even, because this time, the feeling of care is so much deeper and so much stronger. Which is also perhaps the reason why I'm also adapting as fast as I can. Because this time round, I want it to last. I want us both to grow out of it strong and caring for each other even more. I want to be able to live life knowing that he'd never give me up.

In fact, it's his constant reassurance on that last point that makes me feel safe. For the first time ever, I don't have to worry if feelings will fade, and I won't have to worry he'd be tired and sick of me. I know that's never going to happen. And it's with all this encouragement and reassurance, there's nothing left to fear. I've lived by myself before, and honestly, this period of BMT will be help me to grow into a stronger, more independent person. 

It's taught me to value our relationship more too. Any text or call is a valuable thing to me for which I treasure so greatly. It's the one thing that can surely brighten my day. In fact, through the text and the call, I've been greatly reassured as well. The camp is alright, the bunks are fine too, and most importantly, his buddy and his platoon mates are good people whom I will trust(though I've never met them) to not give him a hard time. Today's but the 1st day, and they say it will be 'hell' the next few days, but well, one thing I'm happy for is that he wouldn't be left out. 

There were so many issues and problems we ironed out before going in, and it's comforting that we can talk it out. Even through this period, my promise to you is, if you're reading this, that I will always talk things out with you no matter what. I will never keep things from you, and I will never leave an argument unsolved. Mentally and physically, I will take care of myself, and I want you to do the same. 

Thanks for always being stoic, and well, I know that I needn't have to worry for you as a result.

2 more weeks. Let's do this, and let's live this through together.